The Stars Are Grey
by EviscerateStarlight
Summary: Son. Brother. Friend. Turian. C-Sec Agent. Archangel. Reaper-killer. He's so many things and yet he really has no idea who he is and what he wants. Mass Effect trilogy through the eyes of Garrus Vakarian.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: First Contact

"Did you hear?"

It had been strangely quiet today, which was saying something due to the upheaval and ruckus that had become daily life on the Presidium the past few weeks in the wake of the battle. While those of every race continued to work hard in attempting to restore structure and life of the station to the way it was before, a grave solemnness had seemed to overtaken everyone, more so then the one of horror and desperation encompassed by all those who had lost loved ones and homes in the aftermath.

"Horrible isn't it?"

The destruction of not only property but the streets he had walked countless times over the years had been nothing compared to the loss of life. There had been wailing of all tongues, as people searched futilely through wreckage and ash for remains. Despite all that had occurred, there was a renewed vigor amongst those left behind, stemming from the combined efforts of all who had helped to fight, ignoring stereotypes and racial fears. He couldn't help but wonder how long it would be before that would go away, and everyone would return to their former, hostile-selves.

"It's all over the vids."

That didn't explain what was happening today though. There seemed to be one specific topic shared across the vast station. For once people were not discussing what had occurred, how things could ever possibly be the same again, or what the council was going to do about it, but rather a collective interest in one thing; something he had yet to hear about. Perhaps some Batarians had attacked a human colony, it had been some time since something of the sort. Maybe a natural disaster on some remote planet? Or a hostage situation gone terribly wrong? Whatever it was, it was grave enough to have gathered everyone's attention.

"And to think it happened out _there_ rather than here on the Citadel."

The snippets he was hearing as he strode towards what was left of the Embassies left his mind riddled with unease at the various prospects of what these conversations entailed. He would have to check the extranet to put himself at rest, but later after work. He too was filled with a renewed vigor, only towards justice and its pursuit. Specifically doing things the right way, the way _she_ would. The thought of her suddenly stirred a flurry of emotion within him which he quickly stomped on and attributed to a lack of food. _Flurry? Really Garrus? You've been spending too much time among humans. _His mandibles clicked in irritation towards himself and he quickened his pace to the Executor's office.

It had caught him by surprise when Pallin had requested that he come to see him at once, the turian hadn't said much to him since his return to C-Sec. In his brief interactions with him, he suspected there was _much_ Pallin did wish to say, but do to his part in recent galactic events, the turian had kept his mouth shut. Up the left stairs and through the door (which became stuck as it opened causing Garrus to manually force it farther open) he moved briskly down the hall until he arrived at his destination. Inside he was shocked to find not only the Executor but his father waiting for him.

He'd only been back nearly a month, he couldn't possibly have done something wrong in that time, besides he was more dedicated to following rules and regulations than he had ever before been.

"Vakarian, good of you to come so quickly," Pallin casually remarked without rising from his desk.

"Is there something I can do for you?" Garrus replied as respectfully as he could muster, his eyes flickering between the executor and his father. _Why is he here? _Castis' gaze did not meet his, as if his father still could not look him in the eye despite all that had happened. They too had yet to speak much since their words that had been shared last.

"Have you seen the news?" His father asked slowly, collectively his attention towards Garrus and yet he could tell his sight was fixated on anything behind him. He shook his head. _So, it's about what everyone's discussing. Has there been some sort of security breach? _He was now inwardly cursing himself for not having taken the time to become up to date.

"To get straight to the point," Pallin started, "The SSV Normandy was in the Amada System of the Omega Nebula when it was attacked, most likely by Geth still loyal to Saren, and it was unfortunately destroyed." At first, Garrus didn't think he had heard the turian right. The words he said repeated over and over in his head. _Normandy…destroyed? _It didn't seem possible, not _that _ship with _that_ crew. _The crew. _

"Any survivors?" The words felt hollow when he spoke them, swallowing hard around a lump that was forming in his throat. No, not a lump more like a rock attempting to choke him as he waited for the answer.

"Most made it to the escape pods in time," his father was the one to reply. Garrus forced his arms behind his back to hide the recurring clenching and unclenching of his talons. _Most. _

"Initial reports are that the Normandy was destroyed but that the crew had survived. More details are beginning to come in, and Alliance Command informed the council who have asked me to inform you that Commander Shepard is not thought to have survived," Pallin plainly explained.

Garrus tried his best to grasp what was being said. Somehow, even though they were speaking his own language, it felt as if his translator was only catching every other word.

"Not though to, so there is a chance—?"

"She didn't make it to an escape pod, Garrus. They have yet to locate her body and it is unlikely they will," his father said. Everything around him seemed to slow down then. He was vaguely aware of thanking the Executor and asking to be informed should any new details come to light, he felt his body move towards the door but couldn't recall telling it to do so. He also thought he could distantly hear his father call his name only it was like they were on two opposite sides of a valley. A valley made up entirely of three words; Shepard is dead. He didn't feel very steady on his feet as he stumbled towards a railing that looked out over the Presidium's lake. He gripped it in the hope it would stabilize him and keep him from tumbling over completely. Instead he was tumbling over a precipice in his mind and through a crevice that led to a place of memories and phrases like, 'it was only yesterday', along with the feelings he'd buried and refused to think of, towards a woman he would now never see again.

"Saren's hiding something. Give me more time, stall them!" He frustratedly pleaded to Pallin, who he knew by the shake of the man's head, his request was falling on deaf ears.

"Stall the council? Don't be ridiculous! Your investigation is over Garrus," The turian grumbled in a displeased manner at having been demanded such a thing before stalking away. He knew he would pay for his insubordination later and the thought stirred anger in him. At the corner of his eye he noticed movement and turned to see three human Alliance soldiers standing. Two women and a man all decked in armor with various guns at their backs and hips. The man had a short dark-colored fringe—_hair_, he reminded himself, tanned skin and brown eyes. The woman to his left had rather similar features in coloring (then again, he'd once heard that humans have "receive physical traits" in their genetics which had become rarer in the twentieth centuries leading certain attributes to become more common.) _No wonder they often all look alike to him. _

"Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation into Saren," he introduced upon recognizing the human at the center. Contrary to her comrades, she had slightly different coloring. Her skin was much paler than the others, but not to the 'pink-ish' degree he had seen in some, her hair was a deep black and tied up atop of her head. She stared at him with sharp, grey eyes.

"Sounds like you really want to bring him down," she spoke. He noted the lower portion of her left cheek, there was a streak of skin that was jagged and rough appearing, stark compared to the rest of the smooth surface. It was probably the width of at least one of his talons if not larger, and it travelled down the side of her neck disappearing under the collar of her armor.

"I don't trust him. Something about him rubs me the wrong way. But, he's a Spectre, everything he touches is classified. I can't find any hard evidence." He couldn't help but fold his arms tightly across himself in disgust towards not only the person he spoke of, but his disappointment and discouragement towards his failure of an investigation (if you could even call it that) and in part himself.

"I think the Council's ready for us, Commander," the man at her flank spoke up, his voice sounding rough to Garrus.

"Good luck, Shepard. Maybe they'll listen to you." She gave him a nod of acknowledgement as they walked past, heading towards the Council's dais while he made his way to the elevator and back down to the Presidium. _Saren. _A turian like him, but also the longest serving turian in the Council's _Special Tactics and Reconnaissance_ group, a group given extraordinary authority over all those in the galaxy, given nearly absolute free-reign in the name of the Citadel Council. Not to mention Saren was also the youngest turian ever to be accepted into the Spectres and yet here he was, Garrus Vakarian, merely a member of Citadel Security's investigation division, a far less thrilling, let alone prestigious career. _Well, not everyone has that opinion_, he thought of his father only to quickly push the thought away. This had all started just a few days ago, the center of it; Eden Prime. It was a human colony, one of the first and most successful in the past thirty-five years in which humanity had first activated a mass relay. It was a point of pride to the humans, proof to the galaxy that they could colonize a planet in another system and thrive just as every other species did. That's all changed now.

The Geth, a synthetic race created nearly three hundred years ago, who upon becoming sentient, revolted against their creators claiming the systems beyond the Perseus Veil nebula as their own. Normally, they hadn't been much of a problem to the races as they remained in their system and as long as no one dared venture in, skirmishes were minimal, yet for some strange, unknown reason the Geth had attacked the human colony of Eden Prime, some hundreds of lightyears away from the Veil. To make matters worse another turian Spectre, Nihlus, ended up dead while the Alliance, the representative body of all humans, had claimed that it was none other than Saren Arterius who was behind the attack, led the Geth, and in turn murdered fellow Spectre.

For some reason, out of everyone in C-Sec's investigation division, it had been Garrus who had been given the task of searching for evidence to support the Alliance's claims.

_Infuriating. _All of it was infuriating because it was impossible to find any real evidence against the turian when all Spectre records and information are kept sealed and classified. How could anyone have expected him to find anything when that was the case? So many rules, so many regulations, he could _never_ get _anything_ done. It was the only constant in his life. No matter what case he was up against, there were always codes and restrictions to follow, protocols that hindered never helped anyone but those who were committing the very crimes. Pallin had told him his investigation was over, that it was too late because the Council was meeting with Commander Shepard and her first hand account of what had transpired.

But without any real proof he knew all too well what the Council's ruling would be. _Saren will get away with it. _No. There had to be something, somewhere he hadn't looked where there was someone who knew something, _anything_ regarding it. The only issue was getting there. The elevator door opened and he stepped out, scratching at the plating above his right eye in frustration.

"Well if it isn't Officer Vakarian," a grating voice spoke at his left. He knew who it was without even having to look.

"Harkin," he hissed upon taking in the sight of the human male. He was bald-headed, with wisps of hair on the sides. There was a sly smile on his face, and in his eyes, as always, was the look of greed and arrogance. Garrus had once heard a human use the term 'pig-head' in a rather unflattering manner, he didn't know what it meant but he was sure Harkin exhibited the very essence of it. "What do you want?"

"I hear you've hit a dead end with your investigation of a well-known Spectre," he snidely remarked.

"How do you know anything about that?" Garrus demanded. The man had been fired from C-Sec a month ago for drinking on the job, he'd always been a lousy excuse of an officer.

"I still have my sources," he smugly put. Ignoring him, he started in the direction of the Academy but Harkin pursued him. "Sources you'd be lucky to have if you'd ever climbed off your high-horse and did things my way." _What even was a high-horse?_

"I know all about _your _way, Harkin," Garrus grumbled. The man had been widely known for illicit methods; bribes, drug use, and the roughing up of suspects in custody. Someone like Harkin should never have lasted the twenty years he did in C-Sec, but it was only because he had been one of the first humans to be accepted, resulting in the human embassy continually bailing him out. That had been the case till recently, there were now enough humans in C-Sec that filth like him were finally dismissed.

"_My _way was the _only_ way to get anything done around here, and you know it. I heard something that you might just be interested in though."

"Is this information going to cost me?" His gaze narrowed at Harkin who had a slick expression.

"Who knows?" He smirked. Garrus took hold of the man's collar, pulling him close.

"Then why don't I just bring you in for extorting a C-Sec agent?"

"I've done no such thing!" He pushed the turian away. "All I know is I heard Fist's sent some of his men to that med clinic down in the wards, was pretty fired up about it."

"Does this even have anything to do with Saren?" Garrus sighed, realizing it was his own fault for believing that Harkin may have had any prudent information.

"How should I know? You're the agent," he sneered. Shaking his head, Garrus turned away back towards the Academy. He heard Harkin holler, that he owed him. _Yeah, I owe you a head-butt to the face. _Inside the C-Sec Academy was busy, as it usually was, amidst the agents and officers busy at work were citizens hanging about, waiting to either complain or speak to someone regarding a problem. He headed into his office, checking his terminal to see if there were any updates regarding open cases. In the back of his mind, what Harkin told him was festering. What would some of Fist's men want with a medical clinic? What were they on a medi-gel run? Unlikely.

"Hey Garrus," a fellow turian officer stuck his head in, "some agents were just sent down to Chora's Den for a disturbance."

"what is it this time? Another drunken brawl or inappropriate touching of the 'entertainment'?" he scoffed without raising his eyes from his screen.

"Something interesting for once, a krogan was making threats."

"Krogan?" This captured his attention, causing him to look up, "what kind of threats?" The officer shrugged.

"I don't know all the details, just that he was calling for blood. Fist's blood." _Fist again? _This couldn't be a coincidence. Garrus got up and followed the officer out where he saw three C-Sec agents leading the immensely large Krogan up the back stairs into the Academy. He knew all too well of the Krogans, every Turian did. It was because of them that the Turians were first welcomed into Citadel Space, and ultimately became one of the three races on the Council. On his omni-tool, Garrus quickly searched for the admittance record of the krogan. It wasn't too hard to find, there were only a handful of krogan on the Citadel. His name was Wrex.

"I have a contract to fulfill," the krogan lowly rumbled. It wasn't surprising, most krogan had turned to mercenary work, but who would put a contract out on Fist? It was a well-known fact that Fist was an agent for the Shadow Broker, the unknown individual (or individuals as the case may be) that traded extensive information, it was the only reason C-Sec generally turned a blind-eye to Fist's "hobbies".

"Who would cross the Shadow Broker by putting a contract on Fist?" Garrus wondered aloud, causing the massive reptilian to fix his red-eyed gaze on him.

"The Shadow Broker himself; Fist now works for the turian scum." The turian scum? _Saren. _There was no one else, it had to be him. This was it, which meant that whatever Fist sent his men after at the med clinic, was related to Saren. Without a word, or second thought, Garrus raced past the officers and to the Wards.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: And She Smiled

He was outside the medical clinic in mere minutes. With C-Sec being technically located on the lower wards, he used the Academy's elevator, the longest part being the agonizing wait of travel accompanied by odd, repetitive and bouncy music which dropped him off just below the clinic. Up the stairs in about three bounds, he hadn't entered the office yet, remembering what Harkin had told him about Fist's men. He unholstered his pistol, and tried his best to recall the layout of the room, (he had been in there a handful of times, usually when meeting with a patient he needed to interview.) He knew there to be a short-wall that jutted out a ways and so he dropped to a crouching position.

The door silently sighed open, revealing the sight of the panicked Dr. Michel, surrounded by Fist's thugs. There were two boxing her in, while three hung back towards the right end of the room, messing with a medi-gel dispenser and rifling through supplies. Garrus inched across, the low wall keeping him hidden from sight. He knew as soon as his presence was revealed it would turn into a firefight, his real issue was who to take out first and how to prevent Dr. Michel from being, hit, killed, or worse, used as a hostage. The thought brought an old image to his mind, one that fueled him with immediate anger. He wouldn't let that stop him though, he couldn't.

"You know why we're here," one of the men said ominously. Garrus continued to move gingerly below them.

"I didn't tell anyone, I swear!" the doctor pleaded, her voice sounded as if she was on the verge of tears.

"That was smart Doc, now if Garrus comes around you stay smart. Keep your mouth shut or we—" the man suddenly took hold of Dr. Michel, one arm pinning her throat while the other pointed his gun. "Who are you?" he shouted and for a brief moment, Garrus was sure he'd been seen. _And she's a hostage, of course. _He was about to jump up when a voice spoke from behind him.

"Let her go," a woman coolly said. He glanced back to see none other than Commander Shepard, and her two companions all with weapons raised. The thugs were distracted, all their attention focused on the Alliance soldiers. This was his chance. Garrus dove around the corner and immediately fired a shot into the head of the man who held the doctor. Dr. Michel screamed as if she herself had been shot, and the second his dead arms fell from her body she rushed to hide behind one of the cots. The rest of Fist's men hesitated as they took in the sight of what had just occurred, and when they raised their guns, he, Commander Shepard, and her comrades opened fire. Their targets were all lying dead in a matter of seconds.

He fastened his weapon back at his side as Shepard closed the distance between him and Dr. Michel, who had reemerged from her hiding spot. "Perfect timing Shepard, gave me a clear shot of that bastard," he told her, pleased not only with himself but the quick actions of the woman. Her grey eyes met his only for him to find that gratification was not reflected there.

"what were you thinking, you could have hit the hostage!" her tone was hard, commanding and authoritative. It made him suddenly want to second guess all of his decisions.

"There wasn't time to think, I just reacted, I didn't mean to…," he stumbled over his words, unsure of what exactly she expected him to say and how to deliver them. The thought then came to him on what he should say. "Dr. Michel, are you hurt?" he turned to the red-haired human.

"No, I'm okay, thanks to you," she responded meeting his gaze, "—all of you," was hastily added. His concern for the doctor must have appeased the Commander as she didn't chastise him further, her next remarks specific to the human woman.

"I know those men threatened you, but if you tell me who they work for we can protect you."

"They work for Fist. They wanted to shut me up, keep me from telling Garrus about the quarian." Dr. Michel's eyes flickered to him upon mentioning his name. This was new, a quarian. It didn't surprise him that a quarian would be involved in a matter involving geth, they were after all the ones who had originally created them.

"Does this have anything to do with the investigation into Saren?" The Commander's continued interest in the Saren investigation made it obvious to Garrus that the meeting with the council had _not_ gone well.

"I think it might," he replied, "Dr. Michel, tell us what happened." The woman rubbed her forehead, clearly trying her best to collect her thoughts after the traumatic experience she'd just faced.

"A few days ago, a quarian came by my office. She'd been shot but she wouldn't tell me who did it. She was scared, probably on the run. She asked me about the Shadow Broker, she wanted to trade information in exchange for a safe place."

"Where is she now?" Garrus thought he detected a hint of concern for the well-being of the quarian in the Commander's voice, rather than just answers she sought.

"I put her in contact with Fist, he's an agent for the Shadow Broker."

"Not anymore," he interjected, "now he works for Saren, and the Shadow Broker isn't too happy about it." _Seeing as he hired a krogan to kill him. _

"Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker? That's stupid, even for him," Dr. Michel said, rather aghast. "Saren must have made quite the offer."

"The quarian must have something Saren wants. Something worth crossing the Shadow Broker to get," he thought aloud, a tingle of excitement running through him. _Here we go, this is it. I'm going to get him yet. _

"What else can you tell me about the quarian?" Shepard asked, apparently ignoring his remark.

"I'm not sure. Like I said, she wanted to trade information for a place to hide," Dr. Michel's brow furrowed as she racked her brain. "She didn't—," her face lit up, "wait a minute, Geth! Her information had something to do with the Geth!"

"she must be able to link Saren to the Geth. There's no way the council can ignore this!"

"Time we paid Fist a visit," a small smile twitched Shepard's mouth. He sensed that she and the other two humans were about to leave, but he couldn't let them. Not yet. He had to see this through, he'd put all his time and effort into it since the moment he'd been given the assignment.

"This is your show Shepard, but I want to bring Saren down as much as you do. I'm coming with you," he told her. To his surprise, a look of confusion crossed her face.

"you're a turian, why do you want to bring him down?" her voice held genuine interest. This question set off a heat in him.

"I couldn't find the proof I needed in my investigation but I knew what was really going on. Saren is a traitor to the council and a disgrace to my people!" he couldn't control himself as he said it, his anger and hatred toward the turian visible for all, and while he believed that he managed to muddle his frustration towards himself in having rather botched the job, he could not keep from his flinging a hand in the air for emphasis. The two Alliance soldiers exchanged a look between one another that did not go unnoticed, they were wary of him.

Shepard on the other hand had a half-smile playing on her face. Now the glint of gratification was in her grey eyes. "Welcome aboard, Garrus," she said. He felt his mandibles twitch in mild shock.

"You know we're not the only ones going after Fist. The Shadow Broker hired a krogan bounty hunter named Wrex, to take him out." For some odd reason, he was very aware of the fact that they were all staring at him. He was tempted to shift on his feet only to be plagued by his never-ending thoughts; _What if that's a sign of weakness? Are they trying to determine if I have a weakness? Why would adjusting my stance be considered a weakness? Just move your feet, Garrus! _Contrary to the voice in his mind, he stayed frozen in place

"yeah, we saw him in the bar," the woman behind Shepard dryly commented. She continued to keep a hard fix on him. _She's obviously waiting for me to move so don't do it. _

"A krogan might come in handy," the Commander seemed intrigued.

"Last I heard, he was at the C-Sec Academy."

"What's he doing there?" the human male asked. There was hesitation on his face, but something told Garrus that had more to do with the prospect of a krogan than the turian standing before him.

"Fist accused him of making threats. We brought Wrex in for a little _talk._ If you hurry, you can catch him before he leaves."

"move out," she gave the order and turned on her heel to leave.

"I'll, uh, have C-Sec come remove…them," he awkwardly gestured to the bodies on the floor.

"I'd appreciate it." Dr. Michel faintly smiled. He gave her a curt nod before falling into step with the other two humans.

"This way is fastest to the Academy," he announced once they had left, and with Shepard's motion of approval, he led them back down the stairs in the direction of the elevator. Another human C-Sec officer was standing nonchalantly. He glanced over and his eyes widened.

"You're Shepard, right?" he stopped the Commander, a large grin breaking out on his face. Garrus watched the woman's reaction. She approached him, despite the fact that he thought them to be in a bit of a time-crunch. "I saw the monument at Akuze. They've got a whole section about you there. It's a miracle you survived." At the mention of the location, he noted the way her demeanor changed. Originally, she had appeared approachable, friendly even, but that was gone—replaced with a stoic, unreadable expression.

"Looks like you have a fan," he heard her male comrade whisper. Garrus was tempted to tell the officer to move along, and was even about to when she politely thanked him for offering his assistance and excused herself towards the elevator. Garrus continued to watch her as the four of them stepped in, his vision focused on her hands at either side and the anxious twitch that had suddenly overcome her fingers. She took a deep breath and then faced them all.

"This is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko," she told him. The Lieutenant surprisingly offered out his hand, which Garrus obligingly shook. "and Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams." She merely gave a curt nod, he returned it before once again introducing himself to them.

"How long have you been in C-Sec?" The man, Kaidan, asked in an attempt to make conversation. Garrus opened his mouth to respond when the door opened and Shepard exited. The krogan bounty hunter was still there in the middle of the Academy, currently being occupied by an officer.

"Witnesses saw you making threats in Fist's bar. Stay away from him," the man was gruffly saying, implying it wasn't the first time he had said something of the sort to the krogan.

"I don't take orders from you," came the deep, obstinate reply.

"This is your only warning, Wrex." The officer was losing his patience while Wrex was calm, irritated with what he was being told, but rather uninterested.

"You should warn Fist. I will kill him."

"You want me to arrest you?" The threat didn't faze him.

"I want you to try." Garrus pondered whether he should step in, but the human had, had enough and with the wave of his hand muttered, 'go on, get out of here'. He came stomping in their direction, pausing upon taking in Shepard who was blocking his path with a firm stance. "Do I know you human?" his eyes narrowed at her.

"My name's Shepard. I'm going after Fist. Thought you might want to come along." Once again, his mandibles flicked of their own accord in surprise. _Just who is she? _Her attitude, and choice of words astonished him.

"Shepard?" Wrex said the name strangely, as if trying to decide whether he liked the taste of it or not. "Commander Shepard?" He did it once more before appearing to have come to a decision. "I've heard a lot about you. We're both warriors Shepard. Out of respect, I'll give you fair warning." _I guess he likes it. _Bringing his face close to the woman's, his mouth which could easily fit her whole head inside, was inches from her, "I'm going to kill Fist." She didn't even blink let alone give the slightest reaction to the krogan.

"Fist knows you're coming. We'll have a better chance if we all work together," he found himself saying. Wrex's red eyes set on him, his slit pupils fixated on the turian. Garrus kept his vision steady, not daring to look away or relinquish the hold first. After what felt like a long minute, he looked back to Shepard.

"My people have a saying: seek the enemy of your enemy and you will find a friend."

"Glad to have you on the team, Wrex." She shook his hand.

"Let's go. I hate to keep Fist waiting," he grumbled back, the group then starting for Chora's Den. As he went, a thought plagued him; _and just like that she's gotten a krogan and turian to work together for probably the first time since the rebellions! What will she do next? _One thing was certain, he couldn't wait to find out.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: She Glows Blue

"Looks like it's shut down," Kaidan voiced as they stood outside Chora's Den. It was a gentlemen's club located on the lower Wards, owned and run by Fist. C-Sec officers were called into the place almost daily in regards to fights, threats, and other unsavory means. It was practically a hub for crime specifically. Sadly, it was also one of the best places to go in regards to gathering information. The clientele was usually involved in shady dealings and so it was easy to stick someone inside, and have them report back on what they heard. He knew for a fact that a fellow turian detective had a human woman posing as a bartender for his investigation into illegal arms dealing. Garrus had always dreaded being called down to the place, there was always a foul stench within that in his mind no amount of alcohol or lap dances from scantily-clad women could get rid of; the smell of decay.

"Fist knows we're coming," he repeated, seeing that Kaidan was correct in his initial observation. The club's outside lights were off, and there was no pounding of loud music from within. Shepard removed a weapon from her back, inciting everyone else to do the same. Garrus felt slightly redundant holding his pistol, (it was the only weapon C-Sec officers were allowed to carry) compared to those around him; Wrex with his shotgun and the Alliance soldiers with their assault rifles. He'd just have to make every hit count. As soon as the door opened, gunfire broke out. Gone were the Asari dancers and drunken clients, only thugs and goons on Fist's payroll. The group dispersed upon entering the club, finding immediate cover under the bar or behind an overturned table.

Shots rang out every which way and upon seeing the two snipers located above on the circular overhang, he let out a few precise rounds into both before they could snipe any of them in cover. Garrus moved to the right of the room, taking out three more assailants in the process. Despite the amount of men Fist had hired, the fight was over almost as quickly as it had begun. They were no match for the combined force of Shepard's group. When it was clear that it was safe, they all removed themselves from cover and headed towards the back room of the club. On the other side of the door were two men who immediately raised guns at them, their hands shaking slightly with fear in their eyes.

"Stop right there, don't come any closer!" one of them said.

"Warehouse workers. All the other guards must be dead," Garrus said upon taking in the sight of the boxes they had been organizing.

"Stay back or we'll shoot!" the other attempted to threaten but it did not remove the terror from his face.

"This would be a good time to find somewhere else to work." Shepard lowered her weapon, speaking patently. To Garrus' surprise, the two men agreed before hurrying past them with a 'never liked Fist anyway'.

"I would have never thought of that," he muttered aloud.

"It would have been quicker to just kill 'em," grumbled Wrex, put out with having lost an opportunity to fire his gun.

"Shooting people isn't always the answer," Ashley chastised, though Garrus noted that she too seemed shocked by the outcome. Without missing a beat, Shepard continued with her gun now raised again, leading the group past a set of weapon's lockers and towards the doors to the boss's office. Inside, Fist jumped from where he was sitting at a desk pressing a button in the process that immediately triggered two floor panels to open. Defense turrets were activated and they opened fire. As he dove to cover behind a wall, Garrus raised his omni-tool and released an overload attack onto the nearest turret. Its shields fried and temporarily unable to fire, it was dismantled with a few quick hits. Kaidan followed his lead and did the same to the other, while Shepard weakened Fists' own shields. He toppled over and Ashley kicked his gun away as they moved in.

"Wait, don't kill me I surrender!" he begged from his place on the floor. Rather than lower weapon, Shepard held it firm pointing at his head. The man turned his head away, wincing as he prepared for death.

"Where's the quarian?" her tone was cool and Fist looked back at her to answer.

"She's not here, I don't know where she is. That's the truth!" he exclaimed. Despite being so close to death, Garrus felt that he knew more than he was saying. Shepard must have thought the same as she didn't lower her weapon but continued to stare down at him hard.

"He's no use to you now, let me kill him," Wrex's deep, throaty voice rumbled.

"Wait, wait!" Fist panicked, "I don't know where the quarian is but I know where you can find her. She said she'd only deal with the Shadow Broker himself."

"Face to face? Impossible. Even I was hired through an agent," the krogan muttered.

"Nobody meets the shadow broker, ever," Fist agreed. Shepard lowered her gun and motioned for him to stand up. "Even I don't know his identity," he said as he did so, "but she didn't know that. I told her I'd set a meeting up. But when she shows up it'll be Saren's men waiting for her. The Commander's hand flew out, gripping the neck of Fists' armor and yanking him to her.

"Give me the location. Now!" she demanded with pure authority, it reminded Garrus of when she's reprimanded him for having risked Dr. Michel's life.

"Here on the wards. The back alley by the markets. She's supposed to meet them right now. You can make it if you hurry," Fist hastily said._ So much for not knowing where the quarian is._ Before any of them could react, Wrex's shotgun was raised and fired. Fist's body dropped to the ground, dead.

"What are you doing?" Garrus shouted the moment his mind registered the hit. Kaidan and Ashley both turned their weapons on the krogan with demands for him to drop his weapon.

"The shadow broker paid me to kill him. I don't leave jobs half done," his response was blatant and unapologetic. The Commander had whirled on him, her grey eyes burning, teeth gritted, her entire face one tight mask.

"We don't shoot unarmed prisoners!" she drew the words out, her voice just as brazen and fierce as the krogan's, in an effort to penetrate his thick skull with her mandate.

"How many people died because of him? He brought this on himself. Besides, we have more pressing concerns." Garrus didn't know of anyone who wouldn't have at least slightly buckled under that display of conviction, but apparently krogans were the exception. _Or at least this krogan. _

"That quarian's dead if we don't go now!" Kaidan reminded the group.

"Let's move," she responded with an angry shake of her head before storming out the door. The rest of them were right at her heels, but as they reached the main part of the club, they found that Fist had obviously called for reinforcements, which had only just now arrived. There seemed to be a wild frenzy in Shepard's demeanor now, rather than duck to cover she charged through the assault. She fired her weapon in one hand while a blue glow fizzled over her and was released in the form of a Warp by the other. _She's a biotic! _Despite the turbulent dash she was making, there was still a composure to her actions. It was as if she was in complete control of not only herself but her surroundings. It was a contradiction which he couldn't quite grasp. Changing his thoughts from the Commander, Garrus focused on keeping up and staying just a few steps behind her. He never missed a target even in his own sprint and managed to take out a few who were in the process of targeting her too. With a quick glance back as they left the club, Garrus saw that Wrex had stayed behind to finish any that were left. His krogan blood meant it was impossible for him to walk away from an ongoing fight but judging by the sound of his husky chuckles, he didn't seem to mind.

Thankfully, Chora's Den was in the general vicinity of the Ward's back alley. Over the bridge and before the markets, off to the left was an entrance. The only light above glowed red, creating what might be considered to some an eerie environment but to Garrus it always reminded him of the hull of a ship. Up ahead he could see a few figures standing about.

"Where's the Shadow Broker? Where's Fist?" a female voice was asking.

"They'll be here, where's the evidence?" The voice that replied had a familiar flanging to it; turian.

"No way. The deal's off." They arrived just as the assassin's drew their weapons. One of the figures, the quarian, dove behind some nearby crates as her assailants turned and opened fire. Garrus let off multiple rounds, alongside the others, and the bodies of the turian and what appeared to be two salarians littered the ground. When the shooting had stopped, Shepard moved towards the crates and the girl came out.

"Fist set me up! I knew I couldn't trust him!" the quarian shouted, her voice giving away her anger while her face remained shrouded underneath the enviro-suit's mask. The only sign of life under it was the glowing of white eyes.

"Were you hurt in the fight?" the Commander asked, her concern evident in the manner she addressed the person in front of her.

"I know how to look after myself. Not that I don't appreciate the help," she uncomfortably wound her fingers together; three, just like him. "Who are you?" she asked a bit more cautiously, the fire in her dimming slightly.

"My name's Shepard. I'm looking for evidence to prove Saren's a traitor."

"Then I have a chance to repay you for saving my life. But not here. We need to go somewhere safe," she glanced around warily.

"The ambassador's office," Kaidan spoke up, "it's safe there. He'll want to see this anyway." Shepard nodded her agreement just as Wrex meandered towards them.

"That quarian dead?" he called in greeting. Garrus briefly covered his face with his hand, exhibiting an immense feeling of shame over being seen with the lout.

"Um…," the quarian started, a hand clutching the pistol at her hip while she looked back and forth between the others. He assumed she was expecting the krogan to attempt to 'finish the job' based on how the barely visible white orbs had grown larger in what had to be alarm.

"he's with us—er, her," he rethought it midsentence, gesturing to the Commander.

"Let's not stand around here chatting, let's get to Udina's office," she said as if she hadn't noticed the exchange. The quarian fell into step with Garrus as they departed towards the Presidium.

"a krogan and turian working together?" she queried, barely above a whisper (most likely to remain out of earshot of Wrex).

"Yeah, who'd have thought?"

"You're not making my life easy, Shepard. Firefights in the wards? An all-out assault on Chora's Den?" Strangely enough, there was one thing that seemed to be universal among all species': rants. Garrus had heard enough throughout his life, whether from his father, military leaders and officers, not to mention people he arrested tended to go off on a tirade possibly to cope with being apprehended, that it was clear the human ambassador, Donnel Udina, was just getting started. He had graying hair, though it had been brown once (he still didn't know why the color changed in humans as they aged) and a sour expression which had always been on his face in the few chances Garrus had witnessed him before then. _It must be stuck like that. _He'd had very, _very_, limited encounters with the ambassador whose only interest was getting the human race a seat on the council and therefore didn't concern himself with anyone but those of his own species. He knew for a fact then when dealing with C-Sec, Udina would only cooperate with a human officer. Yet something about him had always made Garrus feel apprehensive—tense and uneasy. Udina seemed to have all the traits of petty criminals the turian spent his days trying to put away—shady, deceitful, underhanded, to name a few and this was the person who was supposed to represent the human race! _No wonder no one really likes them._

The ambassador continued, either ignorant or purposefully ignoring those of other species within the room. Commander Shepard stood where she was, just watching the man without registering a single expression to relay what she was inwardly thinking. "Do you know how many—who's this?" he suddenly stopped, his face taking on a look of surprise as he focused his attention on the individual decked out in a purple accented enviro-suit. "a quarian? What are you up to, Shepard?" _I guess he really was unaware of our presence_.

"Making your day Ambassador," the Commander casually responded as if she had merely been waiting out of politeness just for him to get around to asking that very question. "She has information linking Saren to the geth."

"Really? Maybe you better start at the beginning Miss…?" The quarian had everyone's attention, specifically the ambassador who Garrus had never heard of being so civil toward someone not of his own species.

"My name is Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." The turian knew quite a bit about quarians. Of all the races in the galaxy they were probably friendliest with the nomadic people (next being the Asari of course), it most likely stemmed from the fact that of all the races quarians and turians were the only ones to share the same dextro-protein. Being able to consume the same food had its advantages. No wonder the romance film _Fleet and Flotilla_ had been so popular. Listening to Tali introduce himself he understood that 'Rayya' was the name of the ship she lived on, and that 'Zorah' was her family name.

"We don't see many quarians here. Why did you leave the flotilla?" Udina asked. It was true, quarians didn't visit the Citadel much seeing as they did not have an embassy – it had been stripped as punishment for creating the geth who turned on them.

"I was on my pilgrimage, my right of passage into adulthood." He knew of this as well, that it was a tradition among the quarians that when they were of age, they were to leave the flotilla and search for something of value to bring home. It had something to do with proving they could be an asset to the community through the contributing of resources, rather than draining it.

"Tell us what you found," Shepard nodded to her. The quarian told them of how in her travels she had heard about geth leaving the Veil, to her knowledge for the first time since driving her people into exile, and out of curiosity tracked a patrol to an uncharted world.

"I waited for one to become separated from it's unit. Then I disabled it and removed its memory core."

"I thought the Geth fried their memory cores when they died. Some kind of defense mechanism." It was Captain Anderson who had spoken, a darker skinned human who stood beside the Ambassador. He was well known amongst turians, being considered a war hero by the humans for his efforts in the 'First Contact War'. It had always been strange to him the way that humans referred to it as such, in his mind (and just about every other turian's) a conflict that lasted a mere three months could not be considered a war. To them it was just the 'Relay 314 Incident', when the turians and humans first met.

"My people created the geth," Tali continued, bringing Garrus' attention back to the conversation. It was hard to tell from her mask but he believed her to be impressed with the Captain's knowledge of the geth. "If you're quick, careful, and lucky small caches of data can sometimes be saved. Most of the core was wiped clean, but I salavaged something from its audio banks." She lit her omni-tool and began to play a recording for all to hear.

"Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit."

"That's Saren's voice," Anderson exclaimed. Garrus recognized it as the turian's as well. "This proves he was involved in the attack!"

"He said Eden Prime brought him one step closer to finding the Conduit? Any idea what that means?" The Commander looked between the group assembled for an answer but no one was able to give one.

"The Conduit must have something to do with the beacon. Maybe it's some kind of Prothean technology…like a weapon," the Captain finally said. _Beacon? Prothean? I'm confused. _He knew of the Protheans, they were believed to be one of the first species to achieve spaceflight. They were the creators of not only the Citadel but the mass relays that allowed interstellar travel, but they had all died off some half a million years ago. He believed he'd heard of a connection between the Protheans and beacons before but he couldn't quite remember it at that present time.

"Wait, there's more. Saren wasn't working alone," Tali announced as she continued to play the recording.

"And one step closer to the return of the Reapers." It was a female who had spoken.

"I don't recognize that other voice. The one talking about Reapers," Udina stated.

"Are they some kind of new alien species?" Shepard asked, as puzzled as the rest of them.

"According to the memory core, the Reapers were a hyper-advanced machine race that existed 50,000 years ago. The Reapers hunted the Protheans to total extinction, and then they vanished," Tali spoke as if she was telling an elaborate bed-time story. "At least, that's what the geth believe."

"Sounds a little far-fetched," the Ambassador muttered no longer interested in the quarian now that she had given her evidence.

"This vision on Eden Prime," Shepard started, "—I understand it now! I saw the Protheans being wiped out by the Reapers." _Vision? What vision? _Garrus glanced to Wrex in some deluded belief that he could provide an answer, but the krogan didn't seem to be paying much attention (although if he was, he was doing an excellent job at hiding it).

"The geth revere the Reapers as ancient gods, the pinnacle of non-organic life and they believe Saren knows how to bring the Reapers back." _I guess that explains why the geth are working for Saren? _He still wasn't quite sure as he listened to the quarian, trying his best to keep an open mind.

"The council is just going to _love_ this!" Udina huffed, evidently displeased with the development.

"The Reapers are a threat to every species in Citadel space. We have to tell them." The Commander was adamant.

"No matter what they think about the rest of this, these audio files prove Saren's a traitor," Anderson reminded. This was true, here was finally the evidence that Garrus had needed for his investigation. Despite finding out that his original belief in the turian held fast, he couldn't shake a sullen feeling festering within. He would not be the one to present the evidence.

"The captain's right, we need to present this to the council right away." _It's as if Udina can read my mind. _

"What about her? The quarian?" Kaidan asked, skeptically.

"My name is Tali!" she immediately shouted. "You saw me in the alley, Commander. You know what I can do. Let me come with you." _Had she fought in the alley? _He couldn't remember.

"I'll take all the help I can get," Shepard answered with a small smile. Tali thanked her.

"Anderson and I will go ahead to get things ready with the council. Take a few minutes to collect yourself, then meet us in the Tower," the Ambassador told them (well, really the humans) before he and the Captain departed. Garrus watched as Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, stretching out her arms.

"Anyone mind bringing me up to date? Visions? Beacons?" His question was directed towards any of the Alliance soldiers.

"Right," Shepard replied, moving to scratch her head. She leaned back against a nearby desk and took a deep breath before speaking, "There was a beacon on Eden Prime. It's what Saren was after. We," she stopped to motion to herself and the Lieutenant, "—were sent in to retrieve it when it was discovered. But Saren and the geth were already there."

"I would've been toast if it wasn't for the Commander and the LT," Ashely muttered. _Toast. _He had heard humans use this phrase before. He believed it to be food but its relation to the subject at hand was not clear.

"And a beacon is…?" he was hesitant to ask.

"Ancient prothean technology, very few are found intact," Kaidan clarified.

"The Prothean ruins found on Mars are what helped us achieve FTL drives, so you can bet when the beacon was found on Eden Prime, the Alliance was all over it," the gunnery chief said the words rather brashly, as if Garrus should have already been aware of all of it.

"The beacon on Eden Prime was damaged, and when I neared it—it put images in my head. Visions, I guess you could say," Shepard's voice had grown quiet.

"What kind of visions?" Wrex was the one to ask. It seemed he had been paying attention.

"Not good ones," her expression was solemn, her eyes appearing darker and she cast them away as creases settled on her forehead. She was momentarily lost in thought before saying, "I couldn't—can't understand them but hearing about these Reapers…," she glanced in Tali's direction, "It's beginning to make more sense." A hush had fallen over them all, no one knowing how to respond next when the Commander was suddenly on her feet, back straight and a carefree attitude present as she said, "we'd better not keep the council waiting."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Opportunity Awaits

Shepard had remained rather silent the ride back down. Kaidan and Ashley were busy conversing, their voices tinged with excitement and astonishment as they spoke of what had occurred and the prospects of what it meant. Tali was quietly mentioning the great honor and gratitude that the Commander must be feeling, while Wrex was still grumbling about the Council's overall decision. Shepard didn't say anything though, not that Garrus could really blame her. What really was there to say after that?

The evidence had been presented and with it there could no longer be any doubt regarding Saren's part in what happened at Eden Prime, and he was rightly stripped of his Spectre status. The asari councilor had recognized the woman working with Saren, another asari named Benezia—a matriarch: powerful asari who had entered the final stage of their lives. According to the councilor they were revered for their so-called wisdom and experience, making them mentors to the rest of the asari. She can't be too wise to have joined Saren. Without any proof, other than what had been briefly said in the recording, the council were not convinced regarding the claims of the Reapers. Instead, they decided that Saren had fooled the geth by promising to bring back the Reapers and to make matters worse, the council had not been prepared to do much in the finding and capture of Saren for fear of starting a war with the Terminus Systems.

Only Shepard being Shepard—as Garrus was beginning to realize—proposed that she be the one sent to apprehend him, a single ship that could go about rather undetected. And just like that, the Citadel Council made Commander Shepard the first ever human spectre. It was the last thing he had expected to occur, a thought evidently shared by many as anyone within hearing or passing had gathered around to witness the historic event. Although now, the only thing really on Garrus' mind was, what's next? Being a spectre the Commander could take anyone she wanted along with her in her hunt for the disgraced turian and Garrus wanted to be brought along. He didn't know if he'd ever wanted anything in his life as much as he did this. He couldn't ascertain exactly why, but he knew it had something to do with the aspect of doling out justice on Saren, who was now a blight on his people, as well as the prospect of freedom in that department, being unencumbered by conventions and policies—to finally get something done.

Back on the Presidium, it was abuzz with the news of not only the first human spectre, but Saren's revoked status and subsequent betrayal. Those of every race were murmuring and whispering, some pointing towards the Commander or capturing an image of her. She didn't seem to take notice as she turned to finally face the group. She looked specifically between Tali, himself, and Wrex. "None of you are obligated in going any farther with this, I'm sure you all have things to attend to—."

"Not really," Wrex roughly interrupted. Garrus caught the twitch of a smile in response on Shepard's face but it quickly vanished to keep hold of her serious demeanor.

"Either way," she continued without missing a beat, "I'm intent on catching Saren and I'll take all the help I can get on this." He and Tali nodded their agreement while Wrex shrugged with a 'haven't got anything better to do' remark. "Let's meet at the Docking Bay in two hours, hopefully that will give Anderson and Udina enough time to sort the ship and supplies. Take the time to gather whatever items and provisions you'll need." With that they went separate ways, Garrus starting back for C-Sec once more. There was a thrill within him at what he was undertaking and his mind was so warped with endless possibilities that he had completely forgotten all it exactly entailed—leaving C-Sec and telling his father. He was instantly filled with dread; he didn't dare picture how that would go down with the turian. _Maybe I could just send him a message right before we leave, skip seeing him face to face altogether. _It was cowardly he knew that, especially for a turian. He couldn't help but recall that saying regarding turian on the battlefield, 'you'll only see their back if they're dead.' When it came to his father though, he had _always _been a coward.

As he entered the academy, a human officer he often got drinks with after shifts immediately sought him out. "Where have you been?" Ridgefield asked with a cautious tone. Before Garrus could answer, the man continued, "Pallin's been looking for you." _Ah, so that's what's up. _He was about to tell the human not to worry, even though secretly he sort of was, when through the corner of his eye he witnessed the familiar turian exit his office.

"Vakarian!" he shouted, commanding Garrus to immediately go to stand before him. He knew he was going to be reprimanded, nothing new when it came to his life, and to make matters worse Pallin seemed to be dead set on doing it publicly, to make an example out of him.

"Sir?"

"I gave you an order. I told you your investigation was closed and you disobeyed me," Pallin's mandibles would flare only to become tightly clasped throughout his yelling. Garrus kept the turian's gaze, ignoring those around who were continually glancing over to witness what was occurring. "We have rules Vakarian, you know this, rules we're supposed to enforce. _You_ cannot disregard them!" To Garrus, it felt like this exact statement had been on repeat for as long as he could remember. He was so sick of it. They didn't understand; Pallin, his father. They spent their days sitting behind desks, they weren't out there on the streets seeing what was really happening. Sure, the Presidium was beautiful, it had a tendency to glimmer in a pretense of security and serenity but as with most things, there was an underbelly; a dark insidious one. In reality there were drugs, weapons, murders and who knows what else being pushed and sold, done in new ways that the rules, the ones that allegedly were in place for the specific purpose of protecting civilians, were thwarting the very pursuit of! Not to mention in recent weeks—heck, months really, he found that he himself seemed to be spending more and more time behind a desk.

_Endless paperwork. _He couldn't stand it anymore, not after the day he'd had, not after being so successful! He saved Dr. Michel, confronted Fist, saved a quarian who had intel that proved Saren's guilt! He hadn't had a success like this in _years _and here he was being scolded for not doing things by the book. '_Do things _right_ Garrus, or don't do them at all.' _That's what his father had told him that day, the last time he had tried defend his belief. Which had been shot down…it was always shot down. He was done. He had an opportunity now, one that he _knew _would see him succeed and proven right. "I have half a mind to write you up for insubordination!" Pallin's last vault of words brought Garrus right back to the real situation at hand.

"No need," he spoke up, coolly and collectively, "I'm resigning. Effective immediately." Pallin fell silent, staring wide-eyed in surprise. This didn't come as a shock to Garrus, seeing as this wasn't the first time that Pallin had chewed him out, almost egging him on to make the rash decision, but he never had. He'd always backed down, and bit his tongue. The turian cleared his throat, biding time to come up with a reply.

"Clear out your desk Vakarian, leave your uniform in your locker," he said rather dumbfoundedly before beginning to stalk away, but not without barking at the onlookers to get back to work. Garrus gave a large exhale, it felt good to have said those words. It had been a long time coming, a day that he never thought would arrive. He didn't need to 'clear out his desk' there wasn't anything valuable or sentimental, he merely logged out of the terminal before heading down to the officer's lockers, once again very much aware of the whispers surrounding him.

"Are you insane?" he heard Ridgefield exclaim from behind.

"No," he answered plainly while removing the familiar black and blue armor. "As you humans would say, 'I have not lost my marbles'". It was an odd saying in his mind, why did a human losing something mean they had forgone their faculties?

"No one says that anymore." Garrus sighed as he closed the door, now feeling peculiarly bare dressed only in his civilian attire.

"Take care Ridgefield, and good luck," he said, extending his hand to the human male.

"I think you're the one who's going to need all the luck Vakarian. You owe Lamont and I a drink." He smiled and shook it.

"Sure," he nodded before leaving. It was strange walking out of the Academy, he would never have believed when waking up that morning that this day was to be his last as a Citadel officer. As he made his way towards his apartment, he felt a lightness in his large step, a surprisingly, slightly optimistic outlook in his horizon and for a moment, just a moment, all he saw was the Presidium's glimmer.

* * *

Author's Note:

Thanks to all who have been reading! I originally wasn't going to end the chapter where it was, it's really short, but it just seemed like too much of a happy moment to then ruin knowing what's coming next-ya gotta have that father/son drama.

I feel so bad for Garrus, Paragon Shep is gonna hurricane all over his parade.

-ES


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: And She Laughed

He didn't hear what they were saying. He couldn't. His mind had been unable to process any new information since hearing the news. It was a miracle that he had somehow registered when they'd approached him and invited him to the lounge—yet he couldn't recall when he'd sat down, or been given the glass in his hand. Was this even the first one? The techno music surrounding him seemed louder than usual causing a dull ache in his head, coupled with the slightest buzz tingling behind his eyes, he guessed he'd already downed more than one. He emptied the glass in one gulp and the moment it was set back on the table, a waitress had appeared replacing it with a full cup.

Glancing up, Garrus recognized the short-haired human woman. She gave him a soft, sympathetic nod, her eyes shining with pity for him. He hated that look; he didn't want anyone to look at him that way. No one here knew what he was really feeling (and he wasn't about to let anyone in) so what was the reason in giving him such an expression? For solidarity? There wasn't any point. Her name came to him then—Jenna—and it immediately brought to the forefront of his mind with it, a pair of lively, grey eyes. _Not very lively anymore though_, he cursed himself for thinking it and unable to stomach being reminded of _her_ through the woman's face, he looked away. Flux had remained relatively undamaged in the attack (a broken window at most) and with Chora's Den now permanently closed, it had become even more popular as it was the only decent place to get a drink on this side of the Wards. If only they'd do something about the music.

"Vakarian," a voice rousted him and by the tone of it, he could tell it was not the first time they had called him. Lamont and Ridgefield were on either side of him at the table, both seemingly waiting for a response.

"I didn't hear you," he clarified, clearing his throat. It was beginning to feel thick. Ridgefield leaned over to Lamont and whispered something, Garrus didn't care to try to catch it. Whatever it was, it caused the other officer to nod almost in agreement.

"You seem spent, it's been a long day. Maybe you should call it a night?"

"Yeah," he muttered while staring at the full glass he now held, "maybe I'll do that." He kicked it back and was starting to transfer credits on his Omni-tool to cover his tab when they assured him, they would take care of it. With a despondent partial wave of his hand, he made his way to the exit. As soon as the door slid closed behind him, he felt he could breathe again due to the quiet surroundings. Down the stairs he stopped at the rapid transport and ordered a cab. Within minutes he was safely seated within the backseat of a skycar, he welcomed the security and comfort the close-quarters and darkness provided. His head fell back against the seat and the only sound he heard was the quiet hum of the automobile's engine and the intake and exhale of breath. His head lolled towards the window where he witnessed the thousands of other skycars darting back and forth, his vision blurring as he remained unfocused on any particular image. _What's the matter with me? _He couldn't help but wonder it, ever since hearing the news it was like he'd been constantly sleep-walking and as far as he knew, he had never once slept-walked in his life. Did turians even sleep-walk? Was it human specific?

He felt hollow and empty inside, as if the only real light in the galaxy had been diminished. In comparison to that light, every other glow seemed harsh and artificial. He hoped that it was just because he was still reeling from the news, it had only been two days after all. _You'll feel better soon. It can't feel like this forever…could it? _He was concerned for the answer. He didn't like this. There wasn't any pain, he would have preferred a pain, it was just a numbness that had overtaken all of him, void of feeling. Perhaps dunking his head in a tank of cold water would incite something. Stepping out of the cab once it had landed outside his apartment complex he went inside, the elevator meticulously slow as it carried him to his floor. He didn't know what time it was, he guessed late, all he knew was that he was tired—exhausted really. Sleep had alluded him recently. _I wonder why._ Garrus could hear the sarcasm in his own head's voice.

Inside his apartment he stopped and stared at the space around him. It was small, it wasn't like he had needed much being a bachelor, C-Sec officer. He only really used it for sleeping; there were three rooms in total—his bed in the main area, connected to a small kitchenette and bathroom. He went straight for the kitchen, opening the few cupboards in search of a particular item. He found it under the sink, a bottle of turian whiskey. It wasn't the best but it would have to do. Popping the cap, he lifted it to his mouth and the words immediately rang out through his head, '_this is pathetic. What could a woman do to put you in this state?' _Garrus chuckled to himself re-fastening the lid of the bottle and replacing it back under the sink. He'd been such a hypocrite when he'd said that, he hadn't had the slightest idea then.

Sighing, Garrus moved to his bed and collapsed on top of it. He wanted to sleep but he wouldn't, instead he gave back into that pool of memories at the dark verges of his mind. He planned to drown in it.

x

He was heading up the slope towards the Embassies, having realized that he still needed to call for a cab to take him to his apartment. He could have used the transport at the Academy but he hadn't wanted to stay there a second longer, not with all those who had been privy to the spectacle still hanging around. They had gotten their entertainment, witnessing the accosting at his expense, as well as the gossip that was sure to circulate with velocity. He wasn't about to grant them any more time to gawk and whisper in his presence while waiting for a cab. Strolling past the offices, he took a moment to view the various people seated at the benches. There were always many people clustered there, waiting for either scheduled appointments or the off chance they could catch an exiting Ambassador.

His stride halted upon recognizing the black fringe, bun and all atop her head. She was without the two other Alliance soldiers, standing before a well-dressed human male. The man had his head bowed as she spoke soft words to him, and Garrus felt his own mandibles twitch in surprise as the man raised his hands to his face, his body wracked with sobs as he began to cry. All those seated nearby had their attention taken by the public display but the man didn't care. She placed a hand on the man's shoulder in what Garrus assumed to be a reassuring manner. When he lifted his head he was smiling, despite the tears on his face. He took her hand in both of his, shaking it firmly before departing. The turian kept his sight focused on the Commander who took a deep breath, released it and called up her omni-tool. She made a note of something before letting her arm fall back to her side, during which her eyeline met his.

Garrus saw the way the hair located above her eyes—eyebrows he believed them to be called—shifted upward in recognition. She crossed the area coming to stand before him but before she could speak, he found his question blurting from his mouth. "Did you just make that human cry?" He heard the astonishment radiate through his subvocals and he'd wished he'd said the words more regularly. The hair above her eyes furrowed, as if she didn't quite understand what he was referring to.

"oh!" A slight chuckle escaped her, and she glanced back towards the Embassies. "You saw that huh?" He nodded and she rubbed at the back of her neck sheepishly, "yeah, I guess I kind of did." Garrus waited for her to continue. "His wife was stationed on Eden Prime, she died during the attack. Her body wasn't being released and he asked if I could see to it that it was."

"And did you?" He asked, his curiosity piqued. She nodded and they both slowly began walking. "Were you acquainted with him?"

"Not before today, no."

"what about his wife?" She shook her head and this caused him to stop, enticing her to do the same. "You'd never met either of them, and yet you just did what he asked?"

"Yes," she said plainly, staring up at him with a doubtful expression. "what, are you expecting there to be an ulterior motive?"

"Possibly," he replied gradually. She made a scoffing sound, folding her arms behind her back and knitting her hands together as she started walking again. He was momentarily distracted by the image of the ten fingers so evenly fastened together, like pieces to a puzzle. _Why do humans need so many fingers? _

"That's a pretty pessimistic view. Are all turians this cynical?"

"Perhaps not all," he trailed behind her, "although I may have been born with an over-abundance." She threw a smirk at him from over her shoulder only to stop short and return to face him.

"A man asked me for help and I gave it to him. Would you not do the same?" There was a significance to her tone, her eyes sharp and distinct with the way they were baring into him. Such a vibrancy amidst the grey, along with a fervidity that was cool and un-tempered. Once again, he was reminded of how she appeared to be a living contradiction. She kept his gaze, unmoving and unfazed by the world around them while patiently waiting for his answer. He understood what she was doing, his response would create her own basis for understanding him—his answer would reveal a truth about him. So why not answer with the truth?

"I would," he spoke earnestly and despite a lack of words or theatrical declaration on integrity and the fundamental aspect of altruism, she seemed pleased as her expression turned thoughtful.

"I'm off to see an asari Consort here on the Presidium."

"Sha'ira?" He clarified even though he knew full well there was no other asari Consort. She nodded.

"Do you know her?"

"_Of _her, yes." He paused feeling the plates on his forehead knit tighter in disbelief. "You're going to see her?"

"An elcor diplomat says she has been sharing his secrets, I told him I'd look into it." _Helping more people, huh? _

"Keep this up and C-Sec will be offering you a job."

"I think I'll leave that to you." She stopped once more as they reached the bridge that would lead to the Financial District—and from their in the direction of the Consort. He had passed the rapid transport, caught up in the conversation with her. "Speaking of which," she added decisively, peering over her shoulder at him. "Want to tag along?"

"Might as well, just killing time anyway," he stated as casually as he could muster all the while very aware of the slight increase in heartrate that overcame him. Why was he excited about this? She smiled, a kind, friendly grin as he fell into step at her rear. _You're just interested in the way she does things, she's an odd human after all. There's no reason to be nervous_. Ah, so that's what it was. What he had mistaken to be excitement was actually nerves. Only, why in the world was he nervous? They moved at a rather brisk pace, heading past the Emporium and the Krogan Statue, before arriving at the Consort's Chambers.

Garrus had actually never been inside, he'd never had an interest. Within was a rather large lounge, seated were humans, turians, salarians, even volus. Each being individually looked after by mostly asari, although Garrus noted one female human, all dressed in the Consort's pink robes. The Acolytes, he knew them to be referred to. There was an officer at C-Sec who spent half his yearly salary each year on an appointment with the Consort but each year he was only ever seen by one of her Acolytes. Garrus couldn't understand why he spent so much money on something which was obviously never going to happen. An asari stood in front of a short podium, greeting the Commander and him as they came in.

He had to admit, the asari were an attractive species—being all female. He'd once heard that the reason the asari were so popular with all the races (other than some subconscious biological factor) was because there was an aspect to them that was appealing to each race; humans undoubtedly liked the fact that their bodies were so physically similar, he knew salarians specifically liked their blue skin (as they based attractiveness off of skin color), while for the turians it had to be the asari's scalp-crests that slightly resembled fringes. Garrus hadn't the slightest clue what aspect of them appealed to krogan, volus, or even hanar for that matter! Despite these features, and the way that any asari he had ever met and spoken to seemed to conduct their-self in a rather sensual, and enticing manner, he'd never been interested. His own personal theory stemmed from the fact that all asari were way too confident about sex, it was extremely intimidating for someone like him who never even knew what to say to a turian woman! His 'romantic' escapades had mainly been as humans so _affectionately_ called them 'one-night stands' or the more commonly used turian excuse of 'blowing off steam' which usually involved Garrus making an utter fool of himself in his awkward and shame-inducing attempts to be "sexy". It had been made clear to him a long time ago that he was destined to be single.

"Welcome. I am Nelyna. I don't recognize you as one of your expected clients today. Would you like me to see when the Consort will be able to meet with you?" The asari had an overly-pleasant custom about her.

"Can't I just go in?" Shepard asked, and Garrus nearly laughed only to remind himself that the Commander would be unaware of some of the strange happenings on the Citadel.

"I'm afraid not. You must understand, there are many who seek the Consort's services. But if you wish to leave your name, she'll make every effort to meet with you." Shepard introduced herself, adding that she was a spectre. _Smart move, couldn't hurt to establish rank. _"Excellent. I will add you to our client list. We should be able to see you in…hmm, three or four months."

"What?" The Commander exclaimed, looking back at Garrus in bewilderment before turning back to the greeter. "Nobody's worth that much of a wait." She said rather emphatically.

"Well, I hope you'll return again in the future. We always enjoy seeing new clients," Nelyna told them as they turned to leave.

"What now?" he asked her. She rubbed her forehead in disappointment.

"I would've helped the elcor but he has way more time on his hands—or legs I guess, I can't wait around for three to four months." Garrus nodded his agreement when the greeter caught his attention once more.

"Of course, mistress," she was saying to a radio earpiece she wore before addressing him and the Commander. "It appears the Consort has taken notice of you. She'd like to meet with you now." Shepard exchanged an apprehensive glance with him, almost as if she was wondering if he'd had something to do with it. He merely shrugged and they were directed by Nelyna to cross the lounge and head up the staircase. As they walked down a long hall and towards the only door at the end, Garrus had to admit that he was a bit intrigued. He had never seen the Consort in person, and there was speculation that she was the most beautiful of asari, and he planned to decide that for himself.

Inside the room was a rounded couch along with an oval-shaped bed that appeared to be inside of a purple bubble. At the center, with her back to them, was an asari. Garrus stood just in from the door, while Shepard moved farther into the room. "That's close enough, Commander," The Consort said without facing them, "I've heard a great many things about you since your arrival here on our Citadel."

"What exactly do you do?" Shepard frankly asked.

"That depends on your needs. I offer advice to some, _comfort_ to others," Sha'ira's voice changed on that word, taking on a more provocative tone. Over the years, Garrus had heard many different stories regarding what it was that the Consort did. Some said that she could predict the future, others that just being in her presence eased them of all troubles, but in his mind, she was nothing more than a glorified prostitute. "But that's not why I asked you here," she finally moved, meeting them face-to-face. Garrus didn't believe her to be prettier than any other asari he'd seen, although he noted that the coloring of her face was a bit more teal than blue. "I have a certain problem that could use your expertise." _Of course. _Somehow, Garrus was beginning to get the feeling that this sort of thing was a normal occurrence in Shepard's life.

"Maybe I can help." There wasn't the smallest inclination of corrupt intention, no sly, suggestive proclivity towards a self-interested venture, no gain to be had in the woman's voice. All that was there—unadulterated and artless was genuine sincerity. It still amazed him that someone in her position, of her influence was so openly and candidly generous. It had been a long time since he had seen that, perhaps that was why he was enjoying watching her. She was the definition of a breath of fresh air.

"I have a friend. Septimus, a retired turian general. I won't discuss the details but he wanted me to be more than I could be," she drew closer to Shepard, coming to stand not even an arm's length away from the woman. "We had a falling out. Now he spends his days in Chora's Den drinking and spreading lies about me," her hand reached out and graced the Commander's cheek, stroking it in a circular pattern. Garrus shifted uncomfortably on his feet finding this display to be extremely unpleasant to witness. He didn't know how the Commander managed to stay still and unchanged, as if what was taking place wasn't when he—just watching—was becoming uneasy. "If you would speak to him as a fellow soldier, I believe he will listen to you and let the matter be."

"What exactly do you want me to tell him?" Shepard's voice was as unfazed as the rest of her. The asari pulled back then.

"Appeal to his sense of honor. Remind him of his position as a general," she paused only to step forward and press her body up against the Commander's. She remained rigid in her stance as the Consort's cheek was inches from her face, her arms wrapping around her waist. Garrus' unease reached a new level then, evident in the reflexive click of his mandibles; he was quite disturbed. In all other circumstances he would have averted his gaze (something he desperately wanted to yield to) but he felt the innate need to witness what was occurring, to step in should the need arise. _As if she would need you to step in, she's Commander Shepard. You're an idiot. _"If you can convince him to stop spreading lies about me, I would be very grateful," the consort spoke innocently but Garrus knew that beneath her tone lied beguiling intent. _And there it is. _Sha'ira pulled away then. "Now, I must ask you to take your leave. I have many clients waiting to see me." With those few words she turned away once more and Shepard quickly exited with Garrus in tow.

He scrutinized her carefully as they returned to the Presidium, watching for any sign of distress or offense over what had just occurred. "Are you going to speak to the General?" He finally asked upon being unable to recognize any such condition in her.

"Of course," she answered plainly much to his disbelief. She really wanted to help the Consort after having just been subjected to such inappropriateness? It dawned on him then the possibility that for her it had not been unwanted attention, after all, those of all races and genders found the asari attractive. Neither one of them spoke again until they were through the Wards Access Corridor, standing side by side on an elevator. "I'm sorry you had to see that," she was the one to say. He noted the way her eyebrows were furrowing, it seemed she was ill at ease now.

"No judgements, Commander," he replied resolutely which seemed to relieve her as she didn't say anything more on the subject. Chora's Den was back up and running as if earlier that day the owner had not been killed by a krogan bounty hunter in the back room. _Gives new meaning to business as usual. _Patrons were back, seated at the various locations around the room where they were subject to private shows and dances. Towards the back, Garrus caught sight of a turian, rather glum looking, not taking part of any of the entertainment but rather nursing multiple drinks of alcohol. He pointed the man out to Shepard who nodded before taking the lead.

"Commander?" he asked roughly as he looked up to see her approaching. "Hmph. What do you want?"

"What's bothering you, General?" she inquired with concern and utmost respect for him.

"I've seen a lot of horrible things in my days and there's only one woman in this damn galaxy that helps me forget it."

"This is pathetic. What could a woman do to put you in this state?" The words were out of Garrus' mouth before he had time to realize what he was saying. While he partially regretted saying them, it didn't make it any less true. The fact that a turian of his standing would be spending his days getting drunk in a sleazy bar because an asari denied him? It was insulting! If it was up to Garrus, he would have dumped a bucket of cold water on the man and told him to suck it up. Of course, that would undoubtedly result in his arrest and the very likelihood of him never being able to set foot on Palaven again.

"Cause she rejected me. Me! Septimus Oraka, general of the turian fleet!" he yelled.

"I think I can see why you're upset," the Commander started, her tone neutral and controlled, "but spreading these lies won't make it better."

"Look, kid, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but don't waste your time." His subvocals were glum and dejected, as he bowed his head in defeat—clearly set in his decision. What else was there to do? It was obvious the turian wasn't going to be swayed but Garrus wasn't about to tell that to the Commander who seemed as determined as ever.

"General," Shepard said a bit more firmly, moving a tad closer to the table, "did you ever win a battle by moping in a bar?" _Appealing to the military side of him, huh? _He was intrigued to see if this would work.

"Ha, war!" Septimus threw his head back with a shallow laugh, leaning back to really size up the Commander. In his eyes there was a glint of something new, something that hadn't been there a second before. "That's what this feels like all right. How did I let it come to this?" He sighed the last part before sitting taller in his seat, looking to Shepard for her honest opinion. "So, you think it's that easy? Just straighten up and act like a general?" His voice wavered a moment, a sound that was unbecoming of a turian.

"It damn well couldn't hurt!" Garrus nearly shouted the words in response, but managed to say them more effectively.

"Huh," the General leaned forward once more, thoughtful now. "Maybe you're right, Commander. Sha'ira's worth the effort…even if she won't have me back."

"This is no place for someone of your stature, General." Those words from Shepard seemed to be the last push he required.

"All right. I'll go to her," he announced adamantly, "…after I've had a cold shower. Or two." He then proceeded to inform them that he was the one responsible for sharing the secrets of the elcor out of revenge. The Commander promised to set things straight with the diplomat. "Well, here's to soldiers acting like soldiers!" he downed the rest of his drink before standing up. "Thanks, Commander. You know…you might make a good general yourself one day." Garrus was impressed, not only had she managed to show great respect for the General (something Garrus himself had a hard time doing based on his state), she had rallied him _and_ even got a turian general to compliment a human. _She'd be the scariest politician. _

"Shall we head back to Sha'ira?" Garrus asked her once Septimus had left.

"Soon, but while I'm here I need to speak to a girl named Jenna. Her sister asked me to talk to her." He recognized the name; he knew that she was currently being used by a C-Sec detective as a mole. Something told him that was exactly what the sister wanted Shepard to speak to her about. Finding her behind the bar, the Commander approached her.

"I need to talk to you about your work with C-Sec," she told the other woman when she had attempted to write-off the conversation. The short-haired human, dressed in the same scantily-clad outfits as the dancers feigned ignorance. Shepard tried once more to convince her, mentioning how dangerous what she was doing was and while Garrus agreed that it was dangerous, he knew that Jenna would have originally agreed to it being fully aware of the risks. He also knew that she would be being watched at a safe distance, to ensure her protection but things could always go wrong. He had seen it too many times to count.

"Now you sound like my sister. Why is everyone so concerned about me? I can take care of myself. I need to go. I'm not a stripper. I don't get paid to stand around and look pretty." Jenna was resolute as she walked away. Garrus was a little surprised when the Commander seemed to resign herself to what happened and start for the exit. He had half-expected her to continue until she'd dragged Jenna from Chora's Den kicking and screaming. _I guess she knows when she's been beat. _

It was then that he noticed Chellick, the very C-Sec detective, dressed in civilian attire come stumbling through the entrance. He leaned down and whispered something to Shepard as she passed.

"Push off! I never did nothing to you," he shouted while physically shoving her after she had asked him to repeat himself. "Damn newcomers. Think they can run the place," he muttered before staggering off.

"What did he say?" Garrus inquired once they were outside.

"he told me to meet him at C-Sec Academy," she answered, a perplexed expression crossing her face. He nodded his understanding.

"His name's Chellick, he's a detective."

"Friend of yours?"

"Just a co-worker." _Or former co-worker. _

"We'd better go see what he wants."

They were down in the Lower Level Markets, waiting for a krogan named 'Jax'. Somehow, Shepard had managed to convince Chellick to drop Jenna from his case into tracking down an illegal arms producer, only to then agree to meeting with the seller. She was to pretend to be the buyer and to return to Chellick with the evidence once she had it, _without _arresting Jax. Garrus was a bit concerned that the Commander's better nature would make that part rather difficult for her. Across the room a krogan (not to the same degree in size or scars as Wrex) came shuffling towards them, a sleazy-looking turian behind him. _I wonder how that partnerships working out. _"Hold it. That's close enough, army. You got my payment?" he gruffly asked.

"Do you have the mods?" Shepard's tone was icy, dripping with uninterest in what was occurring. Jax motioned to the turian who opened a case that held the mods. He showed them to Garrus.

"Looks good," he told Shepard after briefly inspecting them.

"Damn straight it is!" Jax suddenly erupted, "these mods are the best on the market. Now hand over my credits." Before he could even blink Shepard had raised her pistol, pointing it in the face of the krogan. Garrus immediately followed suit in support even though his mind was yelling at her. _What are you doing? _

"I'm taking you in Jax," she declared. _That's exactly what Chellick didn't want! He won't find the producer now. _

"It's a sting! Bastard set us up!" the turian raised a shotgun. There was no way they were getting out of there without a firefight.

"The hell are you playing at?" Jax incredulously asked as if he couldn't quite believe someone would have the gall to double-cross him. Garrus's sight flickered back and forth between Shepard and the turian who had branded his weapon, only to watch in complete bewilderment as she gave a wide smile.

"Just kidding," she said charmingly while lowering her weapon. "here's your money, Jax." She transferred the credits.

"Sense of humor, huh? That's going to get you killed one of these days, army!" Garrus continued to stare at her, it wasn't quite clear to him what exactly had just happened.

"What?" her voice was innocent as she looked back at him.

"Why did—what?" he found himself stumbling over the words, unable to form a complete sentence. She rolled her eyes.

"Thought I'd have some fun, make Jax sweat a moment. You didn't really think I was going to arrest him, did you?" He didn't reply and it caused her to laugh; a soft and effortlessly pleasing sound that seemed to radiate around him. It caused her nose to wrinkle and set alight her eyes.

"Honestly, I wasn't quite sure," he finally said, all the while still enthralled with the way she was smiling. "You're a dangerous, woman." The humor was still on her face as she started from the area, knowing full well that he was right behind her.

"Only sometimes."

* * *

A/N

Decided to be cowardly and put off the Garrus/Castis confrontation for as long as possible. Instead some nice budding friendship!

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	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: He Means Well

Chellick had been quite satisfied when they returned with the mods and he promised to keep his bargain in letting Jenna go. When they had turned to leave, Shepard already in the corridor, the turian had called Garrus back in. There was a smug expression on his face from where he sat behind his desk. "So, you quit C-Sec to what? Follow around a human? Was there no asari tail available?"

"What are you talking about, Chellick?" Garrus demanded. He knew full well what the turian was implying but he hoped feigning ignorance would cause the man to lose interest in his goading. He shrugged conceitedly. _Apparently not. _

"Just that I never pictured you to get in bed with the humans." Before Garrus could argue Chellick continued, "what does Vakarian senior think of your resignation?"

"I don't think he knows yet," he replied. There was a voice inside him (that cynical one) that told him that wasn't the truth but he was intent to believe it for as long as possible.

"Trust me Garrus, if I've heard, then he's heard," Chellick boastfully put. Without another word he left, catching up with Shepard who was waiting down by the elevator.

"Everything good?" She glanced at him. He nodded even though in the back of his mind his concern was growing. They headed back to the Consort Chambers on the Presidium, where Nelyna immediately waved them through to go and speak with her mistress once more. Sha'ira greeted them when they entered her room, a pleased grin on her face as she faced them.

"Commander, I recently received a lovely note from Septimus. Thank you for speaking with him."

"It was my honor to aid you," Shepard politely responded. Much too polite Garrus thought, considering what had occurred last time they were before her.

"You are too kind, Commander," the asari smiled flirtatiously, "but I would not expect you to help me out of the kindness of your heart. I also have one more thing to give you, if you are interested." Garrus had a bad feeling about this, his mandibles became tense as did his spine.

"I'd be honored," the Commander said much to Garrus' annoyance.

"I offer a gift of words." The Consort moved closer to Shepard. _Here we go again! _"An affirmation of who you are, and who you will become. I see you." He noted the way the asari's eye's tightened as she seemed to study the human woman's face. "…your uniform fits as though you were born wearing it. You are a soldier through and through. Proud, solitary…alone," she paused on that word and for a moment it hung in the still air of the room, "but it gives you strength. That strength is what kept you alive when everyone around you was dying. You alone survived. You will continue to survive. This may be who you are, but it is not who you will become. It only forms the basis for your future greatness. Remember these words when doubt descends, Commander." That was it. The asari stopped talking and took a few steps back.

"You have quite a gift, Sha'ira," Shepard said once the Consort had grown quiet.

"Thank you. Not everyone appreciates it as you do. Never underestimate the power of words. And now, I must ask you to leave. I have done everything I can for you." Garrus continued to think of the words Sha'ira had spoken when they left. He found them strange and tried his best to recall what he knew about the Commander; her history was public record after all. He thought he'd heard that her parents were both in the military—that was something turians respected, generations of military service. She'd been in the Skyllian Blitz; that batarian assault on Elysium and of course there was Akuze (which Officer Eddie Lang had mentioned), he wasn't aware of all the details regarding it, just that an Alliance Marine unit had been sent in to investigate something and only one marine came out—Commander Shepard.

While he was still contemplating what had been said, Shepard didn't seem too bothered or reflective as she stretched her arms casually above her head out on the Presidium. "What time is it?" she asked aloud while going to check her Omni-tool. He did the same after she gave a confused expression. They were heading into the late evening. "This thing must be broken," she muttered a she double-checked it and then glanced up at the bright sky.

"It's correct," he assured, causing her to eye him, "they keep the artificial sunlight on at all times."

"No wonder I'm starving!" she exclaimed, nearly prompting him to chuckle. "Anywhere around here we can get something quick to eat?" It took him a moment to realize she had been addressing him with the question, her eyes staring up at him in expectancy.

"Uh…yes," he answered slowly while also trying his best to think of a location in their proximity of the Presidium that provided levo and dextro food. He believed there to be a small hub down by the Emporium and Barla Von's office that had sandwiches and such, often frequented by those who resided at the Embassies. He led the way down to it, and after a brief study of the menu she ordered something called a 'BLT' and due to her persistence, he requested the first turian-friendly item he saw. She insisted that she pay as a thank you for his help and "dragging you about the Citadel" even though he did not believe his assistance to have been necessary once in the slightest. Maybe she just enjoyed the company, he didn't know. They found a couple benches that looked out over the Presidium lake, Garrus making sure to provide a large quantity of space between him and Shepard (he was about half off the bench due to his effort in ensuring she was comfortable) but she didn't seem to take notice as she sat down casually beside him and immediately tucked into her food.

Within about a minute, during which time he had only taken one bite of the fried meat he had, she had already downed half of her sandwich. _And I thought turians could eat fast. _The Commander took a large swallow as she made eye contact with him, a sheepish expression crossing her face while on his must have evidently been one of astonishment. "Sorry," her forehead furrowed as she spoke the word almost guilty-like. It was as if she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. "I'm so used to scarfing down food at a moment's notice that I forget to slow down when I actually have time to eat."

"I hadn't noticed," he lied, his subvocals making it extremely apparent as his mandibles gave a quick click. He witnessed an amused smile light her face and she took another bite of her food. "If I _had _noticed, I'd say that you rival turians." She about choked as she started to laugh. "Possibly even some krogan."

"Well aren't you cheeky?" She jutted her elbow into his exposed side, he believed it to be a playful mannerism, but due to his natural plating he didn't really feel it.

"Cheeky?" he repeated, finding the word strange. "I don't believe turians have 'cheeks'."

"No," she snickered, "it means more like—sassy."

"_Sassy_?" the flanging of his voice did nothing to hide his incredulous tone, "I have never been described as sassy." She gave off that musical laugh, the one that caused his mandibles to twitch in enjoyment of it.

"maybe sassy isn't the best word to describe it." There was a wide grin on her face, and for a moment he was jealous that he was unable to reciprocate the visible emotion. She glanced at her omni-tool once she'd finished her food. "You'd better go get your things before we depart. Sorry I took up so much of your time."

"Not a problem," he replied, before adding, "it was…," he searched for the right word, "interesting."

"I think you mean 'lacking in excitement'." She stood up and stretched once more.

"that's the Citadel for you," he answered as he too moved to his feet.

"I'm pretty sure where we're going, there'll be plenty of excitement to make up for it." There was an impish gleam in her eye.

"I look forward to it."

The excursion with the Commander had taken up most of the time in their two-hour window and now Garrus had a little more than thirty minutes to get to his apartment, grab what necessities he could and make his way to the Normandy's docking bay. It had been a long time since he had served on a ship, something he had always enjoyed during his days in the turian military. It was just another added incentive to joining the Spectre and her team and from what he'd heard the Normandy was quite a ship—the first to be build as a joint project between humans and turians. Hopefully that meant there would be some familiarity in the design. It would be strange serving amongst mostly humans, he was thankful for the addition of a krogan (oddly enough) and especially a quarian—with Tali aboard there would most definitely be dextro-food. He was more than ready to be gone, to have left the Citadel and his days in C-Sec behind him.

He should have noticed when he got to his apartment that the door was unlocked, any other instance he would have, but due to being lost in his thought process he didn't perceive it and was alarmed upon entering and taking in the sight of the familiar turian seated in a chair across the room. Castis Vakarin shifted to stand at his entry, his stance stoic, stiff, and resolute. Despite the fact that Garrus had _long_ ago reached his father's height, he still viewed him as being a head taller mainly because of the way Castis carried himself. He'd always seemed larger than life to Garrus, and because of that, Garrus had been incapable of ever measuring up to his father's aspirations for him.

"Hi, Dad," he spoke up, hoping that his starting of the conversation would somehow lessen what was inevitably to come—a fool's hope really. If a turian was capable of scowling then Castis was succeeding; his rigid mandibles that were clasped so tight they looked painful, the way the plates that met together on his forehead were creased in a constricted fashion, and his brown eyes that were smoldering and chilling all at the same time.

"Why have you resigned from C-Sec?" he demanded, his mandibles barely moving as he spoke, his subvocals full of an intense reservation. Garrus knew that his father would know the reason why, but the man wanted to hear it from him and so he relented.

"I'm going after Saren." A dissatisfied, conceited growl emanated from Castis. "The human spectre, Commander Shepard has asked me to join her."

"_Spectre_," the word came from the turian's mouth as if he was swallowing ryncol, "you are not a spectre." _Yeah, no thanks to you._ The thought echoed around his head for a brief second before he pushed it away. One thing he had always tried his best to do was to not be resentful of the way his father had raised him, molded him—some things were easier than others.

"None of us are, she's taking along me, a quarian, krog—."

"—what are you doing?" the turian interrupted almost in an eruption. "Humans? Krogans? Spirits, have you lost all sense?" Castis looked at him as if he no longer recognized him, like he was some strange turian who had forsaken the old ways. _More like I'm bare-faced. _Garrus sighed trying his best to remain calm and reminding himself that his father meant well, even if this was the only way he was able to show it.

"I'm doing something right," he answered and he believed that. It had been so long since he had been able to really do anything meaningful at C-Sec, and he had desperately wanted to help and _do _meaningful things through C-Sec. His father had instilled that in him, it was because of watching Castis' determination and drive to do right things, put away bad guys and overall be a hero that he himself wanted to do the same—something he had yet to ever do or be.

"No!" the turian stalked towards him in a threatening manner, "working at C-Sec is right!" he jutted a gloved talon in his direction, "not this! Jetting about the galaxy, chasing after madmen without any checks or balances, that isn't what we do!" He knew full well what his father was really saying, '_you're a Vakarian. This isn't what a Vakarian would do'_. He was beginning to lose his cool, the words Castis spoke starting to nestle under his plating and cause unrest.

"face it dad, I've never been very good at doing what 'we' do." He pushed past the man, turning his attention to the room and attempting to create a checklist in his mind of the items he would need.

"because you don't try!" Garrus froze. He whirled on the man, staring at him in bewilderment.

"_Don't try_?" he was absolutely gob smacked (he believed that to be a phrase and it was the only thing that came close to what he was feeling right then). How could his dad say such a thing? How could he _believe such a thing_?

"You've always complained when things got too hard. You've always been quick to give up when something doesn't go right or go your way. You can't be bothered to put in enough effort or work, to stick at something long enough to see a difference!"

"That's not true!" he roared back, his mandibles and subvocals flaring. He'd lost it now, and it was very unlikely he would be able to reign it back in.

"I thought you understood that, that day in the fields with the rifle. Yet here you are, giving up because it's gotten _hard_."

"Maybe it's just hard being _your_ son!" he shouted the words before he had fully thought them. This wasn't really new though; he and his father had seen less and less of each other ever since that day when he'd gone to confront him for releasing Kishpaugh—he'd spent nearly a year putting the case against him together and in one day his father burned it all to ash. They couldn't seem to get anywhere now without arguing, so why had Garrus really thought this would go any differently? And why did he think anything he said would possibly change his father's mind? The words Garrus had said seemed to hang in the air between them, as they both had fallen quiet. The atmosphere had changed, the tension had dissipated. There wasn't anger or frustration anymore. Just disappointment, regret, and acceptance. Castis' voice was low when he spoke again.

"you're not the son I raised." The words were hollow, cold, and they stung. Garrus turned away, unable to face looking at the defeat in the turian's eyes. It wasn't a word he would have ever associated his father with, if anything the man had always been undefeated. _Except when it comes to me. _He stayed silent for a long moment, unable to find his voice to respond.

"maybe…maybe I'm not," he finally managed to say, "Dad…," he started, turning once more only to witness the apartment door slide shut. He was alone. Garrus sunk to the bed, somehow, he suddenly felt drained, as if he didn't have the energy to do anything. He gave himself a minute, a brief reprieve to wallow before picking himself back up. He had things to do, and a place to go. He pushed everything that had just occurred as far down as he could muster, he wouldn't dwell on it anymore—he couldn't. Not if he wanted to continue thinking clearly. _What do I need? Armor, check. Weapons, check. Some clothes, check. Dextro-rations, check. My father not to be disappointed in me? _He scratched at the plating above his eyes. Suddenly he was feeling very inadequate. Absentmindedly he dressed in the armor from his days in the military, tossing the other amenities into his travel bag. He reached for his Mantis, about to strap it to his back but instead he took hold of it in both hands, stroking the scope as he remembered that very day his father had mentioned. '_Why are we doing this? I'm not going to get any better,' _he'd said. '_Then this is exactly when you try _harder_. This is when you pull yourself together and you _do _it.'_ He holstered the weapon, swung the bag over his shoulder and left his apartment behind not knowing quite when he would see it again—or if. In the elevator his father's words continued to ring out through his head.

'…_if you stop now—if you give up on something when it gets hard—you're never going to make it anywhere in life.' _A skycar arrived and it transported him back to the Presidium where he would make his way to the docking bay. '_I'm not doing this to punish you. My job as your father isn't to make your life _easy_.' _Was he making the right choice? He didn't notice her at first, not until his distracted eyes registered the wave of the hand. And there she was, bright-eyed and smiling just as she had been when he had left her a short while ago.

"you coming, Vakarian?" she called, a light and airy tone full of possibility and unknowns. '_—Its to teach you how to be an adult'. _He didn't have an answer as to whether or not this was the _right _choice, only that this was the choice he was making.

"Right behind you, Shepard."

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: The Pilot's Name is Joker

The SSV Normandy was an amazing ship, that was clear to Garrus the moment he laid eyes on her. Powered by an experimental drive-core (something Tali voiced being very interested in studying), it was a frigate built for reconnaissance—a stealth mode that could hide heat emissions—but it also didn't lack for firepower (compared to other frigates) along with impressive speed and maneuverability. At least that was what he had been told and was inferring as he had yet to really see the ship do any of the such. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like in a fight, space battles would rise to an entirely different level with the stealth capabilities. For some reason, no one else seemed to have the same view as him in that regard. The group had all met up just outside the docking tube where Ambassador Udina and Captain Anderson had been waiting for them.

The human ambassador had informed Shepard that the Captain was stepping down as the commanding officer and that the Normandy was now hers to command. The news didn't seem to please the commander who had been intent on learning the truth behind it from her former captain. They were given their task, rather than try to find Saren specifically they were to look for the Conduit as it would lead them to Saren. The Ambassador and Captain had only come up with three leads for them: a human colony on the planet of Feros that had reported sighting geth before dropping out of contact, the planet Noveria which was also rumored to have witnessed geth, as well as a name—Liara T'Soni. She was the daughter of the asari matriarch, Benezia, a Prothean scientist who was on an archelogoical dig in the Artemis Tau cluster. They didn't know whether she was in league with her mother and Saren, but thought she might be a good option to check out in the possibility she could provide some answers. Shepard had asked the rest of them to go aboard while she spoke to Captain Anderson in private.

Inside, the Normandy was sleek and full of the latest advanced technology. While moving from the bridge towards the Combat Information Center, he had already been noting differences between the human ship and turian vessels but one thing was very familiar, the sight of the CIC—specifically, the CO station being at the back and raised up. He'd heard that human ships normally placed their commanding officers in the middle of a room, apparently an effort to facilitate communication with subordinates compared to the turians who preferred their commanders to look over, rather than be amidst them. He knew he was biased, but he still thought this was an overall better method, and in his mind, he'd never seen a commander have issue communicating orders to the crew from there.

He felt eyes as he moved and many a pair were on him, Tali, and Wrex along with whispering and exchanging of glances. _Great, a bunch of xenophobes_. He hoped they would prove him wrong in the future, but for now he felt very much like a wild animal on display. He could only imagine how Wrex was feeling. Behind him, he snuck a peak only to see what he considered a blank expression on the krogan, who appeared unaware of his surroundings and the obvious gawking. Tali on the other hand, Garrus could hear the change in her breathing filters as it became heavier and at a faster pace. She also was beginning to wring her three-fingered hands together—most-likely unconsciously. This didn't surprise him, after all she was still newly on her Pilgrimage; her right into adulthood, which meant she was only now being no longer considered a child. Relatively everything was a new environment to her, one that would kill her without her suit.

He decided then that he would try his best to keep any eye on her, make sure she would be okay and such. He felt partially obligated being the only other species aboard who could eat the same food as her (of course he didn't need to filter his) and turians and quarians did have the best relationship of the four species on the vessel. When the Commander boarded, she went straight to the bridge and spoke to the crew over the speaker system. She gave what was definitely received as a rousing speech about their orders to find Saren and about the part humanity was playing in it. The faces of the crewmen surrounding him shown bright and energetic as they nodded their agreement to her words.

Once she was done, he, Wrex, and Tali made their way down to the second deck, and from there the elevator to the cargo bay as they were instructed by Ashley that they would find some empty footlockers down there. Garrus was quite relieved to have an excuse to leave the CIC and head into a rather empty location, especially now that there was a rampant chatter amongst the crew over their vigor from Shepard's words. "Is that a—?" he started when the elevator opened on the third and final deck.

"M35 Mako, yeah," the gunnery chief answered as they stared at the large rover located at the far end of the bay. One side of the human woman's mouth upturned in a smile as she glanced at him, her expression one of impression over his knowledge of the Systems Alliance vehicle. He wasn't about to tell her the only reason he knew about them was because turian soldiers considered it to be a joke. He could recall a conversation aboard one of the turian shuttles used for deployment during his days in the military. Someone had made a comment about the time it was taking to get to the drop zone and their commander had responded with 'imagine how long it would take if we were in a Mako like the humans', which had caused someone else to mention the similarity to the krogan who used Tomkahs. There had been quite a bit of laughter. And to think here he was serving on a human ship and would no doubt be deployed in the very vehicle.

Tali immediately headed through the doors behind them to Engineering, unable to wait any longer to see the drive core. Once Garrus had deposited his items in a locker, he went straight for the Mako. If he was going to be transported in it, then he was going to make sure it was up to his standards—and he had high standards. Opening up a console he began his study and research of the machine, finding that it was definitely going to need a lot of work. _Well, looks like I've found what I'll be doing in my downtime._ He didn't mind though; in fact, he was excited. During his service he had gotten very familiar with not only repairing but also amplifying and calibrating a range of guns and other such equipment. He had _lived_ for calibrating, well that and any excuse to use his sniper rifle. He had often been told that he would have made a good engineer, although he didn't have any of the patience for understanding drive cores, or ship construction. Put him in charge of building something that wasn't a weapon? It wouldn't turn out right. He was best suited to firearms and making sure they were at their best. _So, the Mako has a mass accelerator cannon and a coaxial-mounted machine gun. _He could work with that.

"What are you doing?" he heard Ashley's voice demand as she came stomping through the cargo bay towards him the minute he had started getting down to business.

"Calibrating," he replied, "it's in desperate need of it."

"Don't touch that, you don't know what you're doing!" she slapped his hand away, stepping in front of the console. _Don't know what I'm doing? Ludicrous. _"Skipper," the woman suddenly said, looking past him. He glanced behind to see that the Commander had materialized, a partially amused smile twitching her lips.

"Vakarian, I see you've gotten to work tending the Mako. Will you be able to _handle_ such a task?" It was clear what she was really saying, could he make the vehicle better or would his tampering ruin it. _Please, I'm Garrus Vakarian, I may not be able to do a lot of things right but this—this I can do. _

"yes ma'am," he assured. With a nod she turned to Ashley.

"Then we best leave him to it, Chief." She saluted the Commander before disparagingly returning to clean some rifles. "Sorry about that, Ashley will come around. She's just…," Shepard started. _Racist?_ He'd seen the way the Gunnery Chief looked at him, Wrex, and Tali. It was clear she was no fan of any species other than her own. Before she could finish, he spoke up.

"It's alright, Commander. She's an Alliance soldier, she's just doing her job." He wouldn't begrudge the woman for that very reason; in fact, he admired her dedication. She was the pinnacle for what a soldier should be and in a strange way he was glad to know that the Alliance had such soldiers. The human in front of him gave a nod of appreciation. He couldn't help but become stuck on his last thought regarding Williams being the pinnacle for a soldier, because then what was the Commander? It was clear that she was a rarity, a rather unknown exemplar and something told him that if there were more people like her in the galaxy, it would be much better off. _What would I be considered…? _

"What do you think of the ship?" her question saved him from a thought that wad bound to be only discouraging.

"It's great. The Normandy combines the best of Alliance technology and turian engineering. It shows what we're capable of if we work together." His response pleased her, invoking a smile.

"I'd have to agree," she said before leaving him to go speak to Wrex who was remaining permanently fixtured by the footlockers. _Maybe he's afraid someone will try to steal his things_. Garrus spent the next couple hours tinkering with the Mako before deciding to take a break and headed up in search of the mess hall. It didn't take long to find it, on the second floor of the ship. Seated at one of the tables was Kaidan and Tali, Wrex looming nearby (he hadn't even noticed that the krogan had left his spot in the cargo bay).

"Hey Garrus," the lieutenant called in greeting, "come join us." It seemed Alenko did not share the same reservations as Williams. He took a seat beside Tali.

"Lieutenant Alenko was telling us about Eden Prime and what he witnessed there," the quarian told him.

"Not the cheeriest of tales, I imagine," Garrus replied.

"Not really, no," the man said whilst glancing down—as if reconsidering sharing such things. "Oh, and Tali, please just call me Kaidan, that goes for all of you," he added looking between Garrus and Wrex.

"If you are talking tales that cause cheering, I will win," Wrex grumbled.

"I don't think that was quite what he meant," Tali quietly remarked, causing Kaidan to chuckle.

"Garrus, you were in C-Sec for quite a while. I'm sure you have more than a few stories to tell," the human male looked to him. Before he could open his mouth to answer, Commander Shepard appeared and behind her another man although he walked relatively slow and seemed to hobble. He had a small amount of hair on his chin and jaw (scruff, he believed humans called it) and wore a hat that had SR-1 across the top.

"Sorry to interrupt," she spoke as she neared the table, "but I thought you might be interested to meet our pilot. This is Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau." She then proceeded to introduce the three 'aliens' to the pilot.

"What, Commander, couldn't find any elcor or hanar that wanted to take on Saren?" The man snorted. "You could have at least brought along an asari, they're nice to look at."

"I doubt you'd be able to fly straight with one of them around, Joker," came Ashley's voice as she took a seat beside Kaidan.

"What makes you think I fly straight anyway?"

"That would explain a bit," Shepard jested as the man limped to an open seat.

"I find your lack of faith disturbing," he spoke the words rather menacingly and it caused all of the humans gathered to laugh like it was some sort of well-known joke.

"What's the matter with you?" Wrex brazenly asked, gesturing with a large finger to the man's legs.

"Me? Nothing, just sore from sitting in that seat for hours on end." The pilot's words did not fool anyone. "I think it should be Alliance standard for the seats to be made with leather. And did you know, they're even making some that swivel now?"

"next you're going to be asking for a seat you won't have to get up to take a leak in," Kaidan snickered while 'Joker's' face lit up at the prospect.

"Quarians don't have to worry about that," Tali started causing everyone to look to her, her voice lowering at the sudden attention, "our suits take care of all those kinds of faculties."

"Nice to know you won't require a bathroom break in the middle of a firefight, I mean I might, but who knows," Shepard smirked causing all of them, including Wrex, to chuckle.

"So even on your ships, your people are still always in those suits?" Ashley asked, rather serious as she looked to the masked girl.

"Yes, we originally had a symbiotic relationship with microbes on our home-world which meant our immune systems were weak from the start but it was made worse after the centuries of living in sterile environments. Even being in 'clean' spaces without our suits we risk infection."

"How do you reproduce?"

"leave it to a krogan to always be able to turn a conversation to reproduction," Garrus sighed. _If he mentions the Genophage…_. After the Rachni Wars, the krogan had begun to breed at an exponential rate and were quickly overwhelming the galaxy. The salarians had sought the aid of the turians to fight the krogan and they had, the Krogan Rebellions only being quelled after the turians released the Genophage on the krogan homeworld of Tuchanka, a bio-weapon made by the salarians which infected all krogan with a genetic mutation—only one in one thousand krogan are born living. It was because of this and partly because of the krogan proclivity to violence that the species was nearing extinction. Krogan loathed the salarians and the turians, it was in their blood now to do so and they specifically loved to make mention whenever possible about their dwindling race and their 'unjust' treatment in the deployment of the Genophage. The Krogan Rebellions had been long, _long_, before Garrus' time, nearly 1500 years ago, but from what he'd always heard—or been taught rather, the krogan had it coming and the decline of their race is their fault.

Wrex made a growl as he shot the turian with a deadly glare before looking back to the quarian, waiting for his answer.

"Like…everyone else," she mumbled slowly as if expecting to be told differently.

"Except for asari, they do that whole mind-merge thing," Joker said matter-of-factly, "another reason why one of them would be good to have around. I wouldn't have to worry about breaking a hip to get some action."

"You're going to find all the action you _need_ with where we're going," Shepard told the pilot.

"Omega?" he said with a delighted gasp causing her to role her eyes.

"Where are we headed?" Kaidan asked turning to the Commander. Everyone else also looked to her, intent on knowing their first destination.

"I told Joker to set our course for Feros. Udina and Anderson said that the colony there hasn't reported in since spotting geth. If they're under attack, then they're going to need help."

"I can't wait to get my hands on some geth. Payback for Eden Prime," Williams hands knotted together as she seethed.

"And on that note, I'm off to get some shut-eye," the Commander headed originally towards a sleeper pod before faltering and moving rather uneasily towards the captain's cabin. Everyone else started on a conversation Garrus didn't catch the beginning of deciding that now would be as good a chance as any.

"Commander?" he called, starting after her. She stopped upon being addressed, and he stood before her after just a few quick strides. Her eyebrows were raised in recognition for him to speak. "I just wanted to say thanks for bringing me on board. I knew working with a Spectre would be better than life at C-Sec."

"Have you worked with a Spectre before?" she inquired; her curiosity piqued.

"Well, no," he answered rather abash due to his previous statement, only to quickly add, "but I know what they're like. Spectres make their own rules. You're free to handle things your way." He paused as she waved him with her hand to follow him and after a moment of hesitation he did, entering the small cabin. There was what appeared to be two cots pushed together in an effort to make a larger one, a small table with two chairs as well as a desk with a terminal. She took a seat, beginning to untie the laces of her boots and motioned for him to continue. "At C-Sec you're buried by rules. The damn bureaucrats are always on your back." He didn't know why he was saying any of this, it was all true of course but he had originally planned just to thank her not launch into his own personal stances.

"For the most part the rules are there for a reason." Her voice was starting to sound tired yet she still seemed fully engaged and interested in the topic at hand.

"Maybe," he nodded as he thought of her words. He knew the rules at C-Sec were there for a purpose, to his father the rules were what kept the entire society system from falling into chaos. The reflection of his father caused an immediate pang within. "But sometimes it feels like the rules are only there to stop me from doing my work. If I'm trying to take down a suspect, it shouldn't matter how I do it, as long as I do it." He watched her face, trying to gauge her reaction to his words but she didn't give anything away. "But C-Sec wants it done their way. Protocol and procedure come first. That's why I left."

She placed her boots off to the side, standing up and coming to face him. She was a good three feet shorter than him and yet she somehow managed to stare at him with enough concentration and intensity that he could have sworn she was at eye-level.

"So you just quit because you didn't like the way they do things?" Her eyebrows were pulling together, her gaze becoming hard as she tried to read him, trying to figure him out. _If you learn anything let me know,_ he wanted to say to her.

"There's more to it than that." He heard the words he had spoken the way she had heard them. It wasn't coming off good. "It didn't start out bad but as I rose in ranks, I got saddled with more and more red tape. C-Sec's handling of Saren was typical. I just couldn't take it anymore." She nodded along with him, beginning to understand where he was coming from. "I hate leaving…," he admitted and trailed off. He didn't want to finish that thought.

"I hope you made the right choice. I'd hate for you to regret it later." Her tone was earnest, concern touching her features.

"Well, that's sort of why I teamed up with you. It's a chance to get off the Citadel, see how things are done outside C-Sec." Her head bobbed in approval, seeming to be satisfied now with their discussion. At least he'd managed to turn it around somehow as for a moment there, it had been a rather slippery slope. "Either way, I plan to make the most of this," he told her. His tone was just as honest as hers. "And without C-Sec headquarters looking over my shoulder, well, maybe I can get the job done my way for a change." The words were out before he had fully thought them through. This was a bad habit of his, he didn't tend to really scrutinize over what he was going to say before speaking. More the first thing that came to mind would just pop out. He witnessed her physically tense and her tone became rather firm.

"If getting the job done means endangering innocent people, then, no. We get the job done right, not fast. Got it?" Each one of those words hit him like a charge from a krogan.

"I wasn't trying to—," his mind was no longer making sense, he couldn't form a coherent sentence, "I understand Commander." He managed to put together that simple statement.

"You're dismissed Garrus."

"Commander." He was vaguely aware of leaving the cabin. He was loosely conscious of getting in the elevator and returning to the cargo bay. What he was distinctly mindful of was two voices echoing over one another in his head; _do things right or don't do them at all_ and _we get the job done right. _The phrases overlapped and integrated in his mind and he set to work at the Mako console in an effort to calm the quickening pace of his heart. He would not be sleeping tonight, not until the ringing in his ears stopped.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: They Must Grow Them Bigger Here

"This place is a mess," he couldn't recall if this was the third or fourth time, he'd said that since arriving in the small colony of Zhu's Hope. Within the first two minutes of being off the Normandy, a group of geth had attacked—killing the citizen who had been sent to greet them. The colony was in absolute shambles; broken support beams and collapsed stone fixtures made walking in a straight-line nearly impossible. The water line had been shut off, the generator was dead, there was no food, and of course waves upon waves of geth that kept descending from the colony's tunnels to assault the colonists. The people weren't soldiers and they lacked military training resulting in terrified persons using the surrounding wreckage as barricades and waiting for the next onslaught. There was one phrase that he kept hearing repeated 'I don't want to die'.

Aside from the geth and their unknown want to continually harass the colony, the residents were acting strange (stranger than you would expect from people under attack)—from a salarian who would barely speak to them, others who quickly lost train of thoughts and frequently repeated the same things, to a woman complaining of illness and pain and yet when Garrus had scanned her, nothing had presented itself. At first, he thought he was the only one to have noticed these eccentricities and he mentally cursed himself for analyzing a group of people who were going through hell when the Commander herself mentioned it to the colony leader, Fai Dan during her second time speaking to him. He brushed it off to the strain everyone was under but some of the words he spoke and the way he said them had Garrus second guessing that.

"What's the plan, Commander?" Williams asked as Shepard excused herself from Fai Dan and the woman at his side.

"I say let's split into two groups; Tali, Garrus, and myself will head to ExoGeni. I want the rest of you to head into the tunnels and clear the geth out as well as see about finding any solutions for the water, food, and electricity issues." They all nodded their understanding of assigned tasks, expect for Wrex who grumbled a bit about being sent on errands rather than getting to be 'where the fun is'. Shepard ignored this and motioned for everyone to head out. Fai Dan had told them that the geth seemed to have made ExoGeni (the company that funded and employed the colony) headquarters their base and it would be the best place to start in search of the answer to why the geth were so set on attacking Zhu's Hope. They needed to take the Prothean Skyway to get there: a long, winding section of highway, a remnant now from a time when the long gone Protheans had occupied Feros.

Upon exiting the elevator to the skyway, they heard the sound of gunshots. There were some colonists fending off attack from a couple geth drones, the shots consistently missing their marks. Unlike the settlers, the three of them dispatched them in a single shot. "Into the Mako, Garrus I want you on the guns," Shepard said, jogging down to the road. _Great, here we go._ He hadn't nearly done enough work on it in his mind, but it would have to do. Inside was as he expected, cramp and he had to hunch forward to keep his head and fringe from scraping against the roof. The Commander took the wheel, and Tali sat in the passenger seat while Garrus was perched in the lifted position behind them, eyes focused through the weapons system's scope. "And now to the geth base," he declared as the engine roared to life, "not something an intelligent mind expects to say." Shepard hit the gas but nothing happened causing her to fumble with the controls. _Does she even know how to drive this thing? _It had never once occurred to him to doubt her ability to operate it. The vehicle suddenly lurched forward causing the front of his head to slam against a portion of the jutted roof, while she gave a triumphant 'there we go!'.

The rover set off at a steady (steady, not quick) pace along the skyway which was just as badly damaged as Zhu's Hope; protruding and uneven pieces of cement along with the obstacle of fallen debris something the Mako was definitely not built for—maneuverability.

"I'm surprised the colony held out as long as it did," he muttered, rubbing his forehead as Shepard attempted to drive the machine up and over a large lip. She floored it, only to slam on the breaks when it quickly crossed, the back half momentarily attempting to take flight.

"These people are brave," Tali started, her hands grabbing at the dashboard for security as the wheels raked over an uneven stretch of road. "But the geth are relentless. My people…know this…better than anyone!" she managed to say, her voice wavering due to the constant jostling from a deluge of bumps. A noise sounded then. Garrus lifted his Omni-tool to find that it was a radio channel coming in and out of wavelength.

"_The last batch went south. What are they looking for_?" a voice said.

"I'm picking up a comm signal. It's too weak to pinpoint, but there's definitely someone out here," he told them, watching as Tali began typing away at her own 'tool in an attempt to clear it up.

"Look alive, Garrus," Shepard spoke and ahead of them was a blockade of geth from rocket troopers to even an Armature. His hands gripped the triggers of the cannon and he began firing as Shepard attempted an evasive maneuver from the onslaught of rockets and pulses. Only it didn't quite go as she planned, resulting more in them turning sideways and inching forward a few feet, only to do the same thing in reverse. Trying his best to ignore whatever it was she was doing, he fired at will with the machine gun through the line of troopers, using the cannon on the armature and in a few hits, it went up in smoke.

"Okay, I think we're good," he announced when he was positive that nothing out there was still standing.

"_Any sign of movement? Lizbeth could still be in there. It's only been a few days_," a female voice spoke over the communication line as they began moving again.

"More chatter, Commander Shepard. I still can't get a fix on the location," Tali stated.

"_She's my daughter. I'll wait as long as I have to_." The vehicle continued, entering a tunneled area.

"_We've got movement…some kind of vehicle. Not one of the geth_."

"They must be close enough to see us," Garrus deduced aloud and the Commander immediately brough the rover to a grinding halt, jarring the occupants once more.

"Dealing with the geth is more important," Tali attempted as Shepard turned off the engine and hopped out.

"I guess we're following then," he sighed and gingerly extracted himself from his seat.

It hadn't taken long to investigate. It was another group of people who had found a small area to bunker down in. These were the ExoGeni researchers and scientists, and of course they had no idea what the geth were after. The Commander had assured that she would get rid of the geth problem while one very vocal man, who for some odd reason hadn't taken too keenly to the idea of their assistance, made sure she knew she was to just remove the geth. What had he thought she was going to do? Find a bunch of company secrets and sell them? It was clear that even humans mistrusted each other. There had also been a woman who expressed concern for her daughter who was still somewhere in the building. Shepard had promised to get her out if she found her, but Garrus was a bit doubtful on how well she'd be able to keep that. It seemed she felt an obligation to help people, he didn't know if was her Alliance training or just her own altruistic nature which had him begging the question—what did she do when she failed to help someone? Perhaps she never had, and he hoped he wouldn't then be around to see the first. They hadn't been back in the Mako long before coming across more geth and once they were finished with, they reached the end of the road—figuratively.

"The geth certainly don't waste time moving in." It was impossible to go further in the Mako as before them were giant concrete slabs of varying debris, leaving only an opening large enough for someone on foot to go through. Just beyond it was ExoGeni and their scanners were lit to the max with enemy presence. Garrus thought he could see through the gap, the red beam of geth snipers.

"Resistance will be extremely heavy once we are inside." The Commander nodded her agreement with Tali's remark.

"Garrus, I want you to fire through that opening, provide some distraction while Tali and I get into position on either side."

"You've got it." At her command, Garrus fired the cannon straight through the breach before immediately following up with the rapid fire. As he did this, both women jumped from the Mako and ran to either stretch of wall. He let loose another blast from the mass accelerator and witnessed the human and quarian both peer around and let off a couple rounds at the geth that were just past them. In a few minutes they had slightly lowered their weapons, and Shepard signaled for Garrus to join them. Inside the area was wreckage and rubble, not unlike everything else they had so far seen.

"_Commander? Alenko, here. We've got the water line back on, and found solutions for the generator and food shortage. We're heading now to take out the geth transmitter_."

"Good job, Lieutenant. When you're done with that, head back to the Normandy and wait for further instructions," she spoke into her comm.

"_Aye, aye ma'am._"

"Well, it sounds like if we get the geth stopped the colony actually has a chance of recovering." His saying of the words caused an expression of relief and agreement to cross the Commander's face while he himself didn't quite know if he believed them. In his mind, no matter what was done, after this it would be time to abandon ship—or planet as the case may be. To the left of them, the entry into the facility was blocked by a strange blue energy field that wouldn't allow them to pass. Their only option in was a broken downward staircase—the problem being they wouldn't be able to come back out that way. _I guess we're doing this,_ he thought as the Commander hopped down, followed by Tali. It led out to an area that must have once been some sort of garage access. There was water runoff, leaving shallow pools as well as more piles and piles of rubble and wreckage.

A gunshot sounded then, followed by a female swearing. All their weapons raised they looked to see a woman exiting from around a corner, and she lowered the gun in her hands. "I'm so sorry. I thought you were the geth, or one of those varren!" she exclaimed, her face panicked.

"You're safe now," Shepard told her, lowering her weapon which caused him and Tali to do the same. Something told him this was the daughter of the one researcher. When asked why she was there, she told them that she had stayed behind to back up data and when a geth ship latched onto the building, the power went out and she was left trapped.

"we'll get you out as soon as we find out what the geth are after."

"It's not the geth, it's the energy field they put up. They don't want anyone else getting access to the—!" she immediately clamped her mouth shut, her eyes alarmed over having almost shared something she shouldn't have. Garrus really hoped that the girl would be easy to convince into spilling the secret, he really wasn't in the mood to beat a confession out of her (he doubted the Commander would appreciate it).

"I'm here for the geth. It's very important I find out what they're after," Shepard's tone was firm and relatively convincing in an assured way.

"I don't know for certain, but I'm guessing they're here for the Thorian," she answered quietly. Shepard glanced back at either him or Tali for an explanation, causing Garrus to shrug in response.

"Thorian? What is that, exactly?" Tali inquired, her voice perked in interest.

"It's an indigenous life-form. ExoGeni was studying it." _Leave it to shady companies to always find a way to get everyone killed all in the name of science. _Shepard asked her where she could find this _Thorian_ but the young woman said she wouldn't be able to say as long as the geth were around—another person tasking them with ridding the settlement of the machines. She believed that the geth ship that had attached itself to ExoGeni was powering the energy field and without getting rid of it, they wouldn't be getting out of there any time soon.

"Here, take my ID. This should get you past any locked doors." She handed the card to the Commander and as they turned to leave, they were set upon by a pack of varren—ferocious beasts that humans compared to 'dogs', originating from the krogan world Tuchanka, and like everything that lived there they were savage. Whoever was the _genius_ who decided to take them off-world must have lived to regret it as these hardy animals could survive about all environments and reproduce anywhere. Shepard tossed a grenade towards those furthest away and he let off rounds into the ones nearing him with snapping jaws. Tali turned out to be extremely proficient with a shotgun, and whether it was varren or a geth, when something approached her, the firing of her weapon met its target and resulted in an explosion of sorts in the form of guts (or synthetics in the case of the geth). When all the varren lay dead they found their way into ExoGeni through a door on the opposite end, heading up endless rounds of staircases and tunnels, ready to dispatch of any geth that would dare cross their path.

To everyone's surprise they ended up coming across a rather infuriated krogan attempting to retrieve information from ExoGeni's virtual intelligence, who charged at them only to fall dead at Shepard's feet. "ExoGeni Corporation reminds all staff that the discharging of weapons while on company property is strictly forbidden," The VI politely voiced. With the ID on Shepard's person it recognized her as 'Research Assistant Elizabeth Baynham'.

"What information was the last user attempting to access?" The Commander inquired.

"Fetching data. The previous user was attempting to access details on the study of Subject Species 37, the Thorian." It seemed that Elizabeth Baynham had been correct in her initial assumption that the geth were after the Thorian. It had to be the only thing of worth here. She commanded to be told everything the krogan had and the only relevant information it repeated was that an observation post at Zhu's Hope had been inactive for quite some time.

"what does Zhu's Hope have to do with the Thorian?"

"Species 37 is located within the substructure of the Zhu's Hope outpost," the program answered. He glanced to Tali whose mask was turned in his direction.

"Do you think the colonists know?" Garrus once more shrugged in response.

"Tell me everything you know about the Thorian," Shepard demanded.

"The Thorian is a simple plant life-form that exhibits a sentient behavior uncommon with other flora. Through dispersion and the eventual inhalation of spores, it can infect and control other organisms, including humans. The Zhu's Hope control group has yielded interesting results. Before sensors went offline, almost 85% of all test subjects were infected." _Control group!_ It was all just some experiment, and he hoped that the colonists had agreed to it but that skeptical side of him told him not to be so stupid.

"Are you saying ExoGeni knew it's people were getting infected?" It seemed Shepard was thinking the same as him.

"It was deemed necessary to assess the true potential of Species 37."

"No wonder they were behaving so strangely," he grunted.

"Your pilot should be warned," Tali said, clearly thinking of the others who were bound to have returned to the Normandy by now.

"Joker. Come in, Joker," the Commander attempted through her comm, "damn it. That field's blocking us."

"We need to drop that field and get back to Zhu's Hope," Garrus insisted causing the human to nod in agreement. Dropping the field ended up being a bit more difficult than one would have originally thought. Through the use of enormous mechanisms Tali referred to as, 'claws', the field was being powered by the geth ship itself and they didn't have nearly significant firepower on hand to provide enough damage to get the claws to release. They had to look for another alternative, and in their search, they came across countless geth—including two strange ones who were bowing before an odd glowing orb that they had set up in a small room, as if practicing a religion.

"the geth blur the line between organic and synthetic life. It's natural to assume they seek understanding from a higher power," Tali had said once they had killed the two and he'd asked her about their peculiar behavior. They found their solution in a rather large chamber but it had been swarmed with geth. Garrus had let loose with his assault rifle, briefly pausing to set off a sabotage on a shock trooper and to overload the shields of another. Tali continually hopped out of cover to fire with her shotgun, used a damping on one geth and hacked one near the back that caused it to begin shooting at its own comrades. The Commander was glowing blue in a barrier, her biotics—dark energy generated from element zero nodules in her body tissue—flaring in the use of a lift that set geth adrift midair, which Garrus quickly terminated, as well as multiple throws at any that began to come to close as she stormed into the throng, her gun a blaze. Once all the geth lay dead, including a destroyer who had tried to rush the Commander, she managed to use the controls of a shuttle bay door to dismember one claw—which thankfully, took the rest of the ship with it.

"I hope that ship was full of those geth bastards," Tali's voice was low as she spoke.

"Keep your guard up. There still might be a few geth inside the base," he told her.

"I repeat, Normandy to shore party. Are you reading? Anyone there? Normandy to shore party. Commander, talk to me!" Joker's voice was staticky through their comms originally, before eventually clearing up and coming in full effect.

"Is that you, Joker? What's going on over there?"

"We're in lockdown here, Commander. Something happened to the colonists. They're banging on the hull, trying to claw their way inside the ship. They're freaking out!" Something told Garrus that Joker was more worried about any damage done to the ship rather than his own person.

"They can't do any real damage. We're on our way back, just hold your position," she responded. With the energy field down, they were able to escape the facility through the entrance they had originally seen and they found Miss Baynham waiting for them. Before they went any further Shepard had required answers from her, which she had relented and gave. According to Elizabeth, the Thorian was located beneath Zhu's Hope and had unique mind control capabilities which was what ExoGeni and undoubtedly Saren was interested in. Joker chimed in once more to warn them of geth heading their way, and the four of them piled back into the Mako to head back to Zhu's Hope.

It took Shepard a few attempts before she was able to fully turn the vehicle around and once again it was a very bumpy and jerky ride (Garrus had made the decision to attribute it to the 50,000 year-old skyway rather than the Commander's driving) and every couple stretches they came into contact with the forces of geth that Joker had warned them about. As they neared the area where they had originally come in contact with the ExoGeni scientists and researchers, they once again heard their radio chatter—specifically in the form of a woman asking for help.

"That's my mom. Stop! Stop the rover!" Lizbeth shouted and Shepard immediately yielded causing his head to once again smack against the protruded roof. _As soon as we get back on the Normandy, I am fixing you. _He shot daggers at the piece of metal while rubbing at his forehead plates, as if he could somehow scare it into submission. In the meantime, Lizbeth had run from the Mako and down the slope towards the space that held the group of people.

"We could keep going," He muttered aloud, glancing to see the Commander already moving to get out of the vehicle.

"Get used to it, Garrus," she answered with a hint of droll.

"Yes, Commander," he breathed and followed her lead with Tali close behind.

He didn't know how she'd done it. Really, it shouldn't have worked. He'd had his pistol ready, prepared to take the shot the moment he undoubtedly saw coming, all of his C-Sec training preparing him for the standoff that would only end in civilian casualty unless he, a security personnel made sure it never got that far. "Commander?" He quietly asked.

"Hmm?" She kept her attention on the task at hand, driving the Mako (which definitely needed her full attention) but still nodded for him to speak freely.

"How did you know that would work?"

"With Jeong?" She clarified, briefly looking back at him which caused her to swerve, their bodies jostled. Perhaps it would be better to ask her later when there wasn't the risk of her driving them off the side of the road and plummeting to their death. He opened his mouth to tell her not to bother, when she continued. "It was clear Jeong was a business man—a sad attempt of one, mind you. His only interest was saving his own hide, which meant looking good for his superiors. He wasn't a killer, and he clearly didn't have the stomach for wiping out a colony, no matter how small, so it wasn't hard to see that he just needed a little added _incentive_ to do the right thing."

"Right thing as in 'milk it for all it's worth'," he surmised. She gave a slight laugh, glancing back once more in surprise over his use of the human expression.

"Exactly." When they'd gone after Lizbeth, they'd found the researchers in quite a debacle as the head ExoGeni Feros researcher, Ethan Jeong, had received orders to purge the colony, ExoGeni clearly trying to bury their dirty secrets before they could be uncovered, not unremorseful to the lives that would be lost. Jeong was on the verge of a massacre, him and his guards being the only ones with weapons they would have slaughtered the other researchers who were apposed to it. Somehow though, Shepard had been so nonchalant when she's spoken to him, saying things such as the 'inherent potential' in the colony and the 'promotional opportunities' things that had of course gotten Jeong's attention. He came around quite quickly to this idea of thinking, the only problem being the colonists back at Zhu's Hope who were under control of the Thorian. They came to the conclusion that if they, Shepard, Tali, and himself, killed the Thorian the colonists would be freed from its control, and that was exactly what they were on their way to do.

"Commander!" Tali exclaimed, causing the woman to whirl back just in time to hit the brakes before she slammed into the closed shutter. Garrus was prepared this time for the momentum and ducked his head, only he must have miscalculated trajectory or _something _as without the force of contact, he flew straight out of his seat nearly landing in the laps of Shepard and Tali.

"Easy there, Garrus," the Commander laughed while Tali emitted a surprised, 'keelah'.

"Sorry," he muttered mortified and abashed while trying to right himself as quickly and gracefully as possible. He witnessed the look exchanged between the human and quarian followed by quiet chuckles. _You're not going to live this down any time soon._

"We'll get out here," Shepard said, regaining her composure and military-leader mentality.

"Look," came Tali's voice once they were out of the Mako, turning their attention to some strange grey creature curled up just in front of the panel to open the shutter. Shepard stepped towards it, their weapons raised as well as her own and as soon as she reached a certain proximity it unfolded itself. It was humanoid in nature but resembled more of a mutilated and rotting corpse, lacking any eyes and at the end of each finger were long, thick claws. It ran at her, arms flailing and she let off a round into its head. Surprisingly, it kept coming, causing them all to fire until it crumbled in a pool of greenish bile.

"What was that creature?" he questioned in disgust. "It certainly wasn't human." The Commander merely shook her head in response, perplexed.

"No hitting the colonists, even if the Thorian makes them fire on us," her voice had become adamant and authoritative, along with the look in her eyes. "That's what the gas grenades are for." The Baynhams had come with an alternative to killing the colonists, they had provided them with a nerve agent that could be equipped to their grenades, one that would only affect those whose nervous systems were already weakened due to Thorian spores.

"Very well, Commander. Let's go," he said as she handed him a couple. When the shutter opened it revealed that the bay they had originally started out from, was filled with the grey life-forms. All folded up, all motionless and inactive. The ones furthest at the back jumped to their feet first and began their strange quick trod in their direction. Opening fire, they found that they were quite durable as even after a couple slugs were in one, they still moved as if they hadn't been affected. Garrus let loose with his assault rifle, but found he wasn't getting the amount of damage he'd prefer. Taking the sniper rifle from his back, he aimed it and couldn't help but feel an assurance as it fell into place against his shoulder—his eye syncing up with the scope. His finger laced around the trigger and he aimed, hitting his target. The head burst open, the body collapsing—High Explosive Rounds were the way to go. The 'creepers' continued as one fell, another 'awakened' and took it's place in the throng. The Commander released some throws and lifts that seemed to also be quite effective. Before long the bay was slick with green muck but Garrus' shields along with Tali's and the Commander's were fizzling.

He looked around to see the damage was being done by a group of colonists, hunkered down near the elevator, firing at them.

"Let's move!" Shepard yelled, her arm flinging out as she lit herself in a barrier and then sprinted head on. She tossed out a couple of the grenades and with a flash they released the toxin that caused the colonists to drop to the ground—alive but incapacitated. They were met by the same resistance back in the colony. A couple more hordes of the strange creatures along with the humans who fired at them, their minds no longer their own. Tali and Garrus took care of the creepers while Shepard zipped around knocking the colonists out with the gas grenades. She was determined to keep them all alive, but it was a dangerous task as she kept having to run straight into open fire, continually re-applying her barrier. He didn't know much about biotics, especially when it came to them with humans, but he believed that wouldn't last long.

The three of them met back up, taking cover behind one of the buildings. They were at the last stretch, the controls to the cargo blocks were just past them and underneath those blocks was the entrance to the Thorian's lair. Shepard was panting, her omni-tool raised to apply medi-gel. Her left arm had a gash on it, red soaking through armor that had been shot clean through.

"Your shields down?" It was a stupid question, of course they were down seeing as she'd been shot. She nodded all the same though.

"It's just a graze," she assured. "but my amp's burning, take out the last of those…things and I'll be ready." He nodded, leaning out of cover to fire his rifle. Bullets whizzed past him, as well as the stray one that managed to hit his shields but always in a non-vulnerable location—these colonists still weren't the best shots. A bunch of creepers attempted to swarm them, he fired as quickly as possible so they wouldn't be overwhelmed but he could feel his weapon continually climbing towards overheating. The last one as it got close, he hit it with the butt of his gun and once it fell down, Tali finished it off. Shepard flew out then, moving in a circular motion around the colonists that were left, sheltered behind some crates. There was a flash and the humans collapsed, the gunfire silencing. Garrus took the controls while Tali went to make sure Shepard was alright, keying for the cargo to be moved.

The crane did as it was told, and it revealed a large opening with stairs leading downward. He took the liberty of scouting the first couple feet but then stopped to wait for the others. Tali came next, followed shortly by Shepard with the announcement that Fai Dan, the colony leader, had taken his own life. They started deeper into the tunnels, Garrus finding an odd stench in the air—it reminded him of mold and decay. "All right," he said while trying to become adjusted to the smell. It was becoming stronger and a light was brightening ahead of them. "We just need to find this creature and determine what it…." He couldn't think as they entered the large cavity of stone architecture. "—what it…," he repeated, his mind fumbling for a coherent thought. His mandibles had flared and they stayed that way for much longer than should have been physically possible. Before them was something of enormous mass. It was bundles of oddly colored tendrils of varying sizes and shapes, alien in nature (to a degree he had never fathomed). It somewhat resembled if an elcor and hanar had a love-child that then was mutated beyond all recognition and grew to massive size. "This was not covered by my training manuals." It was the first fully formed sentence he could think to say, his head still very much wrapped in disbelief and shock.

"Keelah!" Tali was exclaiming with an awe-ridden breath.

"that does not look like any plant I've ever seen." The Commander was wide-eyed, the attempt at calculations and planning going on inside her head, evident on her face. "This may be…problematic." That was when the dangling parts closest to them (also the thinnest compared to the rest of it) started to squirm as liquid dripped and an opening atop spat out a green asari—_green_!

"Invaders!" her voice bellowed as she stared at them menacingly and undaunted. "Your every step is a transgression. A thousand feelers appraise you as meat, good only to dig or decompose. I speak for the Old Growth, as I did for Saren. You are within and before the Thorian. It commands that you be in awe!" _What is happening? I'm a C-Sec officer, what am I doing here? _It was at this moment that Garrus truly realized just how unqualified he really was for what was occuring. _Unqualified? Who would be qualified for this! _One thing was plain though, if he lived through this no one would ever believe him.

"You gave something to Saren. Something I need." When the Commander spoke, that stern and formidable tone had returned to her voice and her face had become hard and unfazed. _Is she not seeing what I'm seeing? How is she so calm?_ He glanced in Tali's direction for validation of his scrambled mind but her helmet made her impossible to read.

"Saren sought knowledge of those who are gone. The Old Growth listened to flesh for the first time in the Long Cycle. Trades were made. Then cold ones began killing the flesh that would tend the next cycle. Flesh fairly given!" Garrus pushed past the panic inside and forced himself to focus on the words that were being exchanged, to understand their true meaning. _Okay, knowledge of those who are gone—the Protheans. Saren made a trade. Cold ones have to be the geth. _"The Old Growth sees the air you push as lies! I will listen no more!"

"I won't let you keep your thralls. Release them," Shepard took a step forward, her eyes aflame. "Now!"

"No more will the Thorian listen to those that scurry. Your lives are short, but have gone on too long. Your blood will feed the ground and the new growth!" _This isn't good,_ he thought just as the asari procured a shotgun. Garrus' instincts immediately took over, and he used a Sabatoge on the weapon that kept it from firing, allowing the Commander to take her out. From behind they heard the strange sounds of the creepers encroaching.

"Look for a weakness!" Shepard yelled as she used a Lift. They'd shot through all those that had begun to surround when Tali called out.

"Over here, Commander! Definitely something different in this area." Stretching out from the wall was a large, pulsating node that was attached to the Thorian. They started shooting but this seemed to only waken more of the creepers, causing them to swarm. Garrus threw down one of the grenades without thinking, only to be pleasantly surprised when the gas caused them to explode. He added his own slugs to the node and seemed to burst within, turning black in color as a horrifying screech sounded.

"We've stung it! I'm sure of that. We need to find more of these…things," he declared to the nods of agreement from the two women.

"Come on, let's hur—," The Commander began only to stop as she released a sigh and rolled her eyes. Coming towards them was another green asari and more of the Thorian's creepers. "It's never easy, is it?" she huffed before the three of them threw themselves into the fray.

The sixth neural node they fired upon was the one that did it. The tendrils had become unattached and with it the Thorian fell to its death. _Serves it right to spend its life hanging over a chasm. _The three of them seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief, it had become quite tedious taking out creeper after creeper, who had managed to get far too close for Garrus' liking on multiple occasions. His armor was stained with the green vomit they expelled, which while it burned straight through shields thankfully didn't do the same with his garb. The odd green asari had also been tiresome as they continually kept reappearing (whether through regeneration or production he didn't know) and using biotic throws that toppled you. The only slightly amusing thing had been the Commander's frustration over it as she was the one who seemed to always be targeted with it. Shepard's face changed to one of alert which nearly made Garrus groan at the realization that this undoubtedly meant they weren't doubt. He followed her line of sight to see she was looking to one of the pods that lined the walls, only this one was moving as if something was trying to wrangle free.

The sac opened, and out tumbled a violet-skinned asari—something far less abnormal. "I'm free," she said the words quietly at first, as if testing to see if they were true. "I'm free!" her voice rose to an exclamation as she looked to the three of them. "I—I suppose I should thank you for releasing me."

"Is everything alright? Are you hurt?" Garrus commended the Commander for that being the first thing she asked.

"I am fine. Or I will be, in time. My name is Shiala. I serve—I served Matriarch Benezia. When she allied herself with Saren, so did I. Benezia foresaw the influence Saren would have. She joined him to guide him down a gentler path. But Saren is compelling. Benezia lost her way."

"Are you saying Saren can control minds?" Shepard's tone was alarmed and Garrus felt his mandibles tighten at the suggestion.

"Benezia underestimated Saren. As I did. We came to believe in his cause and his goals. The strength of his influence is…troubling." Shiala's words did not soothe him.

"She tried to manipulate Saren, but in the end her plan backfired," Tali simplified and Shiala nodded.

"Asari Matriarch's are among the most intelligent and powerful beings in the galaxy. How could one fall under Saren's control?" This information was casting a bleak outlook in Garrus' mind and based on Shepard's expression, the same for her. Shiala went on to tell them that Saren had an enormous ship called Sovereign which he could use to indoctrinate people to his will. She said that she'd been a willing slave to Saren who needed her biotics to communicate with the Thorian and that he then offered her in trade.

"Saren's pretty quick to betray his own people." Shepard folded her arms tightly across her chest in an irked fashion.

"He was quick to betray the Thorian, too. After he had what he wanted, he ordered the geth to destroy all evidence of its existence. Saren knows you are searching for the Conduit. He knows you are following his steps. He attacked the Thorian so you could not gain the Cipher."

"What's the Cipher? And why did Saren need it?" Shiala's answer stemmed from the beacon on Eden Prime that had given Saren and Shepard visions. The visions were apparently meant for a Prothean mind which meant that they were unclear and unable to be comprehended to a turian and human. The Thorian had watched and studied the Protheans when they'd been alive 50,000 years ago, and 'consumed' those that died—they were a part of it.

"So, the Thorian taught Saren to think like a Prothean? How?" Shepard intently asked while a chill crept up Garrus' spine. He didn't quite like where this was going.

"The Cipher is the very essence of being a Prothean. It cannot be described or explained. It would be like describing color to a creature without eyes. To understand, you must have access to endemic ancestral memory. A viewpoint spanning thousands of Prothean generations. I sensed this ancestral memory—the Cipher—when I melded with the Thorian. Our identities merged; our minds intertwined. Such knowledge cannot be taught: it simply exists," Shila spoke solemnly.

"I need that knowledge to stop Saren!"

"There is a way," the asari's voice grew quieter, Garrus deciphering uncertainty in her tone. "I can transfer the knowledge from my mind to yours, as I did with Saren." _Oh no. _Garrus opened his mouth to voice his own concerns, he didn't think this was the smartest (or safest) plan but the Commander had already nodded in approval. "Try to relax, Commander." Shiala stepped towards Shepard and he was suddenly reminded of Sha'ira on the citadel. _What is with asari and the Commander? _"slow, deep breaths," she told her calmly while the woman's eyes fixated on the human before her. "Let go of your physical shell." Shepard's eyelids fluttered closed, her head nearly bowing as she exhaled and her stance slightly softened. "Reach out to grasp the threads that bind us, one to another. Every action sends ripples across the galaxy. Every idea must touch another mind to live. Each emotion must mark another's spirit. We are all connected. Every living being united in a single, glorious existence. Open yourself to the universe, Commander. Embrace eternity!"

With that last exclaim the asari's eyes turned all black as the pupil swallowed the entire eye—they began rapidly moving in a synchronized motion with the eyes of the Commander whose also were dancing beneath her closed lids. Garrus and Tali both studied Shepard's face, the way that it was creasing some moments as if in pain, her brow furrowing, tightening, and she flinched. Her body gave unconscious shudders and jerks as if what ever she was witnessing and being succumbed too was extremely unpleasant. In the back of his mind Garrus couldn't help but see the contradiction in that as melding with an asari had always been described as one of the most euphoric things one could experience but the Commander's reactions showed that this meld was anything but.

Just like the snap of a ripcord Shiala's eyes returned to normal and Shepard's flashed open. They both stood there in silence for a moment, whatever they had just witnessed washing over the both of them. "I have given you the Cipher, just as it was given to Saren. The ancestral memories of the Prothean's are a part of you now."

"Are you alright?" Garrus inquired of the Commander. He was briefly tempted to reach out and place a hand on her shoulder, she seemed a bit unsteady on her feet, but he thought better of it. "What just happened?"

"I saw…something. It still didn't make any sense." Her response sounded distant.

"You have been given a great gift: the experience of an entire people. It will take time for your mind to process this information."

"We should get you back to the ship, Commander. Medical needs to know about this," he told her.

"I am sorry if you have suffered, but there was no other way. You needed the Cipher. In time, it will help you understand the vision from the beacon." Before they could completely leave Shepard had to decide what to do with Shiala. When asked, the asari said she wished to help the colonists due to the role she played in their suffering. This response must have pleased the Commander as she let the asari leave with her life. Back up on the colony, the colonists themselves had returned to normal with the death of the Thorian. Shepard had managed to keep them all alive, with the exception of Fai Dan, and the group of researchers on the skyway had made their way to Zhu's Hope. There was declarations of gratitude, many people attempting to stop the Commander to thank her for help and to speak with her and being the kind woman she was, she gladly did so but Garrus could see strain on her forehead and temples—the Cipher had taken a toll and she needed time to rest and recover, something it was clear she wasn't about to get.

Kaidan, Ashely, and Wrex joined them from the Normandy. Wrex once again complained over having missed the fun as Tali launched into great detail telling them what they had discovered at ExoGeni and then the encounter with the Thorian. Garrus didn't listen though, he continued to watch the Commander for any sign of distress, any indication that she was reaching her limit. He was beginning to become uneasy as she persisted to speak with each individual in the line that had formed around her. This couldn't be healthy, she was one person and she needed some space—that was clear to him, why couldn't it be clear to all these other people?

Finally, he could take it no more. He went to interject, to tell the humans to release her but just as he neared them, she turned to him, setting that grey gaze on him. Her eyes conveyed a message—a warning. _Don't you dare_, they said. It was as if she said the words aloud to him. She hadn't done this for praise, she wasn't listening to their appreciations out of vanity, she was still serving them. They needed to feel that they had been heard—by the Alliance, by the council even now that she was the first human Spectre. She was showing each person that they were valued and important to her. As long as there were people needing something from her, the Commander was going to give as much of herself as was physically and mentally possible, no matter the state she was in. Garrus found it extremely honorable and he admired her for it, something he was freely able to admit within to himself—but it also, pissed him off.

* * *

A/N:

So this chapter ended up being much longer than I had originally thought it would...oh, well-Feros done! Hopefully the other missions won't be so long and I hope it didn't turn out boring.

-ES


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: And She Trembled

It was only after every colonist had the opportunity to thank her in full did the Commander finally retreat to the ship—and with that the rest of them could as well. "Those colonists were acting pretty freaky for a bit there, eh Commander?" Joker called from the cockpit, craning his head over the shoulder of his seat to see them gathered on the bridge.

"No kidding, I'm even more surprised you managed to keep them all alive with them attacking you like that. I would've—," Ashley immediately clamped her mouth shut upon realizing what she was about to say, everyone exchanging awkward glances in her direction.

"Probably best not to finish that thought, Chief," Kaidan gave her a sympathetic half-smile along with a pat on the shoulder.

"It was difficult," Shepard nodded without making any indication of the other woman's comment while the group started for the cargo bay, "would have been about impossible without those gas grenades the Bayhnam's provided. Not to mention, Garrus and Tali—couldn't have done it without them. They're great at following orders." A grin laid on her face as she looked between him and the quarian, and when her grey eyes came back to linger on him—her features so soft and relaxed after the events of the day, he felt a strange fluttering deep within, forcing his mandibles to click in response.

"She's right, you both did a great job." The compliment came from none other than Williams, which surprised him and when he tore his sight from the Commander to look to the other human, he saw a similar expression of disbelief.

"yeah, yeah, the turian and quarian helped you kill a big plant. If there were any plants on Tuchanka, they'd try to eat you too," Wrex grumbled, still evidently disappointed in the assignment he'd been given. Shepard stopped as they reached the Mess, turning to face the krogan.

"Wrex, an entire colony is going to get back on its feet now, in no small part, thanks to you. In my book that beats a sentient plant any day," She offered with hand on hip.

"What do I care about some human colony," he grunted, "and your book is boring."

"What about those krogan battlemaster's we got to fight?" Kaidan quipped.

"Heh," the chuckle that escaped the krogan was a deep rumble, "that was a bit more my style."

"Well, I'm sure we're bound to find things that are 'more your style'," she assured.

"We better," he said roughly before heading into the elevator with Tali and Ashley.

"Commander," came a female human voice, but it was different then other human voices he'd heard. There was an inflection that the others lacked. Coming out of the medbay was what Garrus guessed to be an older human woman based on her greying fringe that was cut close to her jaw.

"Dr. Chakwas," she replied.

"how was the mission? Any injuries I should attend to?" the Normandy's doctor inquired.

"Nothing a bit of a medi-gel didn't fix up."

"Commander, what about your—," Garrus started but was silenced by the wave of the woman's hand. One eyebrow on the doctor's face rose as she set a harder gaze on Shepard. It was a very intense stare—almost frightening. Something told Garrus that even a turian general would have a hard time remaining under such a stare and the Commander was no exception.

"A bullet _grazed_ me," she made sure to emphasize the word, jutting her chin in his direction to add to it. "The real damage was done to my armor; it's got a hole now."

"I'll take care of that, Commander," Kaidan sounded from where he stood beside the woman. Garrus watched the Lieutenant's face, the way his eyes were so readily focused on Shepard, but there was something about the man that didn't express this act being out of a professional manner.

"Thanks, Kaidan," she told him, a sheepish smile twitching her mouth. She removed the brace that covered her left arm and handed it to him, before following the Doctor into the med-bay while he joined the man in the elevator.

"How long have you known the Commander, Lieutenant?" Garrus asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Just since Eden Prime—and you can drop the Lieutenant, just call me Kaidan or Alenko—I was assigned to the Normandy for it's first shakedown run, Anderson was Captain and the Commander was his executive officer. I don't think I'd said more than two words to her before we were on the ground, being attacked by geth drones," he paused to take a breath as if what he was about to say was difficult, "there was another officer, a Corporal…he, uh, he died there." He was quiet for a moment until the door opened, "but the Commander's an incredible woman, she earned my respect within just a couple minutes of seeing her in action." The man grinned and Garrus had the feeling he held more than just respect for her. He removed and cleaned his armor before storing it away, then did the same to his weapons. The others finished long before him (with the exception of Alenko who still had to work on his own ware after seeing to Shepard's) but that had always been the case whether it was in the turian military or C-Sec. He could always be found long after others were done tending, finding that he had a particular standard for his gear, one that he rarely saw others achieve.

He was sure he'd gotten it from his father. Distantly he could recall a memory of the turian standing nearby, patiently waiting for Garrus to clean the rifle and give it to him for inspection. The man had always been so patient in everything, he'd never once rushed Garrus when requiring him to learn something, he'd always let him take his time and as long as he needed without complaint. These thoughts caused a pain within coupled with the image of his father's face the last time he'd seen him. _Do things ri—_he shut down the words before they could finish in his mind. Garrus moved to the Mako, intent to spend as long as he could calibrating and tinkering to clear his head but Joker spoke over the intercom that the Commander wanted them all to join her in the debriefing room. It was located behind the CIC, a circular room with multiple chairs placed in the same rounded fashion. He took one across from where Shepard was already seated, Tali coming to the one on his right while the humans sat on either side of the Commander. Wrex was the last to come in, taking the empty seat closest to the door and leaving the one on Garrus' left vacant.

"I thought it best if we go over what happened and what we've learned," Shepard said before launching into a summarized version of all that had transpired, allowing others to interject with their thoughts and concerns.

"Are you okay, Commander?" Kaidan asked her from where he sat on her left, his face was full of worry. "you look a little pale." Garrus too noted the whiter color on her already pale skin. Her forehead was creased, her eyes almost squinting. It was clear she was exhausted but wasn't about to let anyone tell her different.

"It's that damn Cipher!" Ashley's voice was angry, nearly on the verge of shouting, "that asari messed you up good! And for what? We still don't know where to find that stupid Conduit! What a waste." Garrus didn't blame her, she was just voicing what most of them were no doubt feeling. The Cipher Shiala gave Shepard hadn't provided any clarity into the 'visions' she'd had on Eden Prime and so they were still in the dark.

"She said it could take a while," her tone was tired and she rubbed a temple absentmindedly. "I needed the Cipher. It'd going to lead us to the Conduit," her voice ahd become confident, assured of the words she was speaking before falling slightly when she added, "I'm just not sure how yet."

"We still have another lead, Commander. That asari scientist in the Artemis Tau cluster. The Matriarch's daughter. She's an expert on Protheans. Maybe she knows something," Kaidan suggested, still intently studying Shepard's face. She nodded her agreement before dismissing the group.

"I've sent off the Feros report, Commander. You want me to patch you through to the Council?" Joker's voice rang out.

"Do it," Garrus heard her sigh before the door did the same behind him.

Garrus wasn't sure how much rest the Commander had even gotten after the Feros mission. She hadn't joined the group for their late meal in the Mess, Kaidan offering to take her plate into her cabin even though the rest of them had expected her to be asleep—she wasn't, and must have ended up engaging him in conversation based on the amount of time he was in there, the Lieutenant returning to their table some quarter of an hour later, attempting (and failing) to hide the faint smile on his face. The conversation had been quiet, and friendly between the two humans and the turian and quarian. Wrex had remained relatively silent only making grunts of approval or disdain (though no one could quite differentiate between the two). Through the course of the conversation some background had come out about the people he was serving with:

Gunnery Chief Williams had three younger sisters and grown up on a human colony world. Alenko was from Earth, and was an L2—this had caused Garrus some confusion, and thankfully, Tali as well who had asked for clarity. The L2 was the type of implant that Kaidan had to use his biotic abilities, compared to the L3 which Shepard apparently had. He had meant to ask what the difference between the two implants were when the conversation had changed. Tali revealed that she was the daughter of an Admiral on the Admiralty Board—this hadn't meant much to the others but for Garrus who knew this was the highest authority for her people, was impressed. He'd asked her what her father thought of her serving on a human ship to which she'd replied that she hadn't informed him yet, afraid of what he would say (as well as adding that technically there wasn't anything he could do, she was after all on her Pilgrimage). He didn't blame her in the slightest though, he knew all too well what it was like to fear letting down your father. Wrex on the other hand was not forthcoming with information about himself only letting slip that he had been a bounty-hunter for the past three hundred years when he'd been stating that they all needed to "prove your worth" to hear his stories.

Garrus himself hadn't ended up revealing much either. After all, what had there even been to say? There certainly wasn't anything noteworthy about him; he was just a turian from the turian home-world along with some other six billion of his kind. He entered the turian military at fifteen, as was required. He had a sister. 'Older or younger', Williams had asked. 'Older', he'd replied. The conversation had died off shortly after that, the humans heading to pods to get some sleep whereas he'd returned to the Mako, still determined to smooth out that forsaken chunk of metal. When he himself had finally started for a sleeper pod some couple hours later, he witnessed the Commander making herself a cup of what he guessed to be tea in the Mess. In one hand she held a datapad which she was scrupulously studying and so he hadn't said a word. When he awoke in the morning, she was already busy making rounds about the ship to see off the night crew who were about to retire. He had wondered if she had even slept.

They were in the Artemis Tau cluster now, the Commander having gone with Alenko's suggestion in seeking out the Matriarch's daughter, but without knowing which planet her dig was on they would have to scan each system. Garrus had been preoccupied with one of the vehicle's wheels when he'd heard footsteps approaching. Glancing up, he immediately jumped to a standing position. "Commander. How are you?" She didn't respond, instead nodding towards the Mako.

"How's it going?"

"Uh…fine," he stammered, concerned she was there to inspect his work. "I'm just tinkering…and calibrating but it's still ready to go at any time."

"Good to hear," she said approvingly and for a moment he'd expected her to wander off toward Ashely or Wrex but instead she slowly circled around him, arms folded behind her back while she studied the vehicle. _Is this an inspection? What's happening?_ His mind was a blur with questions and he glanced across the cargo bay only to find that everyone was preoccupied with something or another, no one seemed aware that the Commander was about and therefore Garrus was in the dark as to what she was after. She began to move around the Mako, while he remained where he was still speculating what the point of this was. "Why did you become a C-Sec officer?" Her voice was quiet and he questioned if he'd imagined.

"What?" He was alarmed, he wasn't quite sure of what she'd said. There was a slight chuckle that came from the opposite side, the rover between them.

"Why did you want to be a C-Sec officer?" she repeated a bit more forcefully but at the same level of volume. Perhaps she was trying her best to keep the conversation private despite the public location.

"Hm," he sounded, "That's a good question." _Why did I want to be a C-Sec officer? _A whirl of memories flooded his mind, and with it a swell of various emotions deep within. "There were several reasons, I guess," he finished.

"Like what?" she came around from the back of the Mako, leaning against the rear as she waited for his response. Her sight was focused on him, her attention entirely his. There was color in her face again, unlike how she had appeared in the briefing room, as well as a liveliness in her eyes, the bun atop her head securely fashioned without a piece out of place. _Maybe she did get some sleep after all. _

"Probably the same as most officers," he started, his head bobbing in agreement with his own words. Garrus assumed she would relate with it, although he didn't know why she had joined the Alliance he doubted it would differ much from his own reasons. "I wanted to fight injustice, I wanted to help people." The corners of her mouth twitched upward at the last part and she nodded for him to continue. His throat felt a bit tight then and as he cleared it, he tore his vision from her and looked to the console nearby, fidgeting with it. "I guess my father had something to do with it, too."

"Really?" He heard the light in her voice before seeing it on her face. His mandibles clicked and he felt the pace of his heart quicken at the sight of her pleasure and surprise in the words—nerves again, clearly but that didn't explain why she always made him feel nervous. He wasn't naturally an anxious person, at least he didn't think he was.

"He was C-Sec. One of the best. I grew up hearing about his accomplishments or seeing his picture on the vids after a big arrest." Garrus was brought back to a time of simplicity and hopefulness. In his mind's eye he saw soft lighting and the flickering of a screen. He could still feel the warmth of that night along with the feel of his mother's touch as she stroked the soft patch at the back of his neck, beneath his fringe, from where he was curled into her side. _'There, look at your father'_, he felt the hum of her subvocals and she'd pointed to the vid where there'd been an image of Castis in his C-Sec uniform, '_aren't you so proud of him? He's keeping everyone on the Citadel safe'_. He'd been so proud of his father that it could have burst from his chest and Garrus could recall afterward telling his mother that while his dad was away at the Citadel, he would keep her safe. She'd pulled him closer and told him that wasn't his job but from then on, he'd believed it was. _When did it change though? When did I go from wanting to keep people safe and protect them, to this unquenchable desire for justice and the eradication of crime? Oh…right, it was _that_ day. _An image of a hospital room flashed in his mind and he shook his head to clear it, nausea niggling at his stomach.

Shepard was still standing there, still listening intently. What had he been saying? His father. More nausea. "He's…uh, taking my resignation pretty hard." He didn't fight the inclination to hang his head as shame began to envelop him.

"That's tough." Her voice was soft, and sympathetic and from the corner of his eye he witnessed her crane her head, attempting to find his eyes. "But you'd think he'd be impressed you're going after Saren." Garrus sighed.

"My father's a C-Sec man to the bone. 'Do things right or don't do them at all', he says," the words slipped out before he could register what he was saying and for once they didn't incite pain, "he thinks I'm being too rash. Too impatient. He's worried I'll become just like Saren." Garrus' rational mind told him this was true, that it was his own father's prejudice and aversion to Spectres that had really caused him to lash out so much in his apartment. He wanted to believe that was it, and that it wasn't Garrus himself who had been the root of such things. "He actually talked me out of becoming a Spectre when I was younger. For the same reasons."

"you were asked to be a Spectre?"

"Well, I was targeted as a possible Spectre candidate. Me and about a thousand other turian military recruits," he clarified, "I could have received special training, but my father didn't like it." Her brows knit together in what he gathered to be a disapproving manner. "He despises the Spectres. He hates the idea of someone having unlimited power with no accountability…he wouldn't like you, Commander. No offense." To his surprise she gave a shallow laugh.

"I suppose I can understand his concern."

"You can?" he started, rather alarmed. He hadn't expected her to say such a thing. How could she understand it, when she herself was a Spectre, the very thing the turian abhorred? Garrus had always envied and admired Spectres (with the exception of Saren who his gut had always told him was rotten), not just for their rule-free position but the fact that they were doing _real _things to fight injustice and help people—compared to what he had spent most of his time doing. "But Saren's not going to play by our rules, C-Sec's rules. If you want to nail Saren, you need to send someone who isn't restricted by policies and procedures." She frowned once more and Garrus realized for the second time that he and the Commander seemed to be on opposite sides in this debate. _Why does she have to think like _him_? Why couldn't she think like me? Is my way really that bad?_

"Just because you can break the rules doesn't mean you should. I don't need to stoop to Saren's level to stop him…," she paused, taking a step closer to further instill her gaze on him, "and neither do you, Garrus." He shifted under her stare, feeling his mandibles do the same.

"I see what you mean but," he didn't dare finish that thought as he noticed one of her brows arch, "…I'll think about it. Thanks, Commander." He turned back to the Mako's console, his mind heavy with their conversation and the various emotions and memories it had stirred. Time to himself, calibrating would serve him well only it seemed that was going to allude him as he sensed a presence still behind him. She was still there, nonchalantly flipping through her omni-tool. "Um, Commander?" She glanced up as he addressed her. "Was there something else you needed to discuss?"

"No," she replied pleasantly, dropping her arm. His own 'tool immediately pinged and when he lifted it, a new message was showing—a message from Commander Shepard.

_Suit up and be ready to move in 5 –S. _

He saw for the first time when he looked back to her that she was dressed in her armor, something he hadn't found odd or peculiar before because he himself was also in his armor—it was a turian standard to remain in armor when serving on a ship and even though it had been some years since he had last done so, the habit seemed to have stuck. Wrex who constantly also wore his meandered over from his place near the lockers, followed shortly by Tali. The elevator door opened and out came Alenko who headed straight for his gear. Once the two other humans had joined them, Shepard shared her information with the group.

"An Alliance Admiral approached me back on the Citadel and asked that I look into some of his marines who've gone missing here in the Artemis Tau cluster. We're in the vicinity of the planet so Joker's bringing us in. Anyone's welcome to join me."

"Missing Alliance soldiers? Pass," Wrex grumbled and stomped back across the bay. Garrus witnessed the Commander roll her eyes.

"What were they doing out here?" Williams asked, clearly intent on going.

"Kahoku didn't say, just that there was some suspicious activity that his team was sent to investigate and they haven't reported in since. Also," she added the next part a bit more hesitantly, "Joker's reading a distress beacon from the planet. So be ready for anything—maybe even geth." Garrus glanced back to Wrex knowing full well that the krogan should have still been able to hear them. He expected him to be more interested in the assignment now, but he hadn't looked up. "Let's head out," she announced and once helmets were secured, they piled into the Mako.

Garrus didn't think much about the sight of the cargo bay doors opening and he continued not to do so as Shepard started the engine. What did finally catch his attention was the realization that Joker had not landed the ship and would not be doing so. "Commander…?" He started from where he sat in the back, facing Tali and Kaidan while Ashely was in the passenger seat. Without a word, Shepard hit the gas and the Mako went shooting towards the edge and over, freefalling through the air. _This is how I'll die._ Talons gripped the seat beneath him as he waited for the inevitable crash and he witnessed Tali's hands fly to her mask and cover over her eyes. After what felt like an agonizing few minutes, the rover hit the ground hard causing a vicious jostle but lacking in injury. He released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding when he heard Tali's whisper.

"Are we alive?" Kaidan chuckled a 'yes' in response while Shepard and Ashley both snickered. With their coordinates locked in for the distress signal, the Commander set off and even though there was no dilapidated Prothean skyway in sight, the ride was just as bumpy and uncomfortable. Through the windows Garrus viewed the planet they were on: Edolus—the skies were tinted yellow and hazy due to dust clouds, with numerous flaming meteors sailing across. Intense wind rattled against the Mako but the machine's durability stood true. It didn't take long to near their destination, and as the rover moved clambered cumbersomely over the varying hills, Shepard abruptly stopped it before a large descent. There was a wide area of lowland ahead and in the distance Garrus could faintly make out objects.

"I think that's what we're looking for, Commander," Ashley said, turning to Shepard who had yet to release the brake. "Commander?" The woman asked a bit warily causing Garrus to look over. It was impossible to see the human's face beneath her helmet, all he could see was the way her hands were clenched around the steering wheel, gloves so tight it must have been cutting into the soft human skin. Her shoulders mirrored it—tensed and rigid.

"Shepard?" Kaidan's voice called to her, hesitant before moving in his seat in an effort to get closer to her.

"Out of the Mako," she suddenly said, her voice strained, "everyone except Vakarian." They all exchanged glances despite the fact that they couldn't make eye contact. Had he done something wrong? Why did she want only him to stay?

"Commander…?" Alenko began, formality entering his tone.

"That's an order," the woman interjected forcefully, absolute.

"Yes, ma'am." Williams, began to get out when Shepard spoke again.

"And don't leave this spot until my say." With the other two humans and the quarian gone, Garrus and she were alone, and he still couldn't figure out what exactly was happening. He wanted to ask, but the way she was acting caused him to think better of it. She wasn't saying anything now though, and he forced himself to be patient while witnessing the others outside huddled together against the wind and obviously conversing over the peculiarity of the situation. Shepard released a loud, deep breath then. "I need you on the guns, Garrus." He nodded despite the fact that she wasn't facing him, and moved to the gunner seat. "Listen very carefully," her voice was slow and precise, "if what I'm expecting is down there, then I need you to do _exactly_ what I say."

"Comman—."

"Can you do that?"

"Yes, Commander." Another large breath.

"Now, I may just be paranoid but down there is the perfect environment for a thresher nest." _Thresher? Thresher Maws? She can't be serious! _But it was all too clear to Garrus that she had never been more serious. "If I'm right, then when we're down there you need to make _every_ shot count. I believe you're the best shot out of us, so don't let me down Vakarian."

"You can count on me, Commander," the words slipped from his motuh before he could register what he was saying. What right did he really have to say such a thing? He'd never faced a Thresher Maw before, there was no guarantee they were going to get out of this alive. _That's why she had the others get out, minimize casualties._

"Okay, then hang on and hope I remember how to do this." Her hands gripped the wheel tighter than he thought physically possible. "Although, something tells me it's gonna all come _screaming_ back." He heard her murmur and he was reminded of her service record—the only marine out of fifty to survive the attack on Akuze. Would she be able to do this? Even for a turian something like that was bound to be traumatizing. Before he could even continue his train of thought she hit the gas as hard as she could and the Mako went barreling across the terrain, picking up more speed with the momentum. Garrus' own hands clenched the triggers as he peered through the scope, searching for any sign of movement. She didn't slow down as they neared the area, heading straight towards the transmitter and what appeared to be a damaged vehicle not unlike the Mako. At full speed she jerked the wheel, hanging a sharp right and causing the rover to skid horizontally, continuing their velocity.

He heard the sound before seeing it, ground shuddering and quaking before a monstrosity lurched from the sands raising some thirty meters in the air. It gave an ear-splitting shriek that the Mako's walls could not dim and the sound elicited a pained cry from Shepard. Garrus swore as he started firing, keeping his fingers locked down on the triggers, and aiming for the wide, open mouth of glowing blue light. It dove back underground but he didn't release his grip and continued to fire at the soil as Shepard suddenly veered a different way moments before it resurfaced just ahead of where they would have been. He fired the canon and a spew of green acid was flying in their direction but missed due to the Commander's evasive maneuvers. He switched back and forth between the two weapons, never allowing the maw a moment of peace from assault of the machine gun during the brief cooldown required for the canon.

Garrus felt dizzy on the adrenaline that was coursing through him (along with the movement around him) but he didn't falter once, managing to find the pattern in where the Maw would next rise up based on the actions Shepard took. He didn't know if it had been seconds or an age when it finally screeched and fell dead in the dirt with a shockwave-inducing thud. The Mako slowed to a halt and Garrus found himself chuckling whilst also breathing a sigh of relief. "another thing my training manual didn't prepare me for, then again you don't encounter very many thresher maws on the Citadel." Looking down to her seat Garrus saw that she was still gripping the steering wheel for dear life, and he could hear her deep intakes of breath. "Commander?" he asked, but she didn't respond. Climbing down from his seat, he awkwardly maneuvered into the passenger, being careful so as not to hit her with his long legs. "Commander Shepard?" he asked again, unable to read her face due to the helmet. She was still breathing hard and now that he was close enough, he saw that there was a tremble in her hands spanning the length of her arms. "Shepard?" He reached his own hand out, hesitant about touching her. He hovered over her shoulder, her reaction to his contact an unknown risk he wasn't sure he was willing to take. Tremors shook her body and all the while her fingers rigid and locked in a painful manner. A thought came to him then, and against his better nature he followed it, his gloved hand moving to stop over hers. Gingerly, he brought his down and attempted to guide her to release the wheel.

Her grip came free, her hand instantly folding into a fist that continued to shook. "Shepard?" he tried once more and this time she seemed to hear him.

"Good job, Vakarian," her voice was flat and quiet, barely above a whisper as she removed her other hand and folded them around her middle in an effort to ease the trembling.

"Would you like me to signal the others, ma'am?" She nodded.

"I'll be right there just…just give me a minute," she breathed and he excused himself from the vehicle.

"Alenko, you're good to come down," he said through the comm and received a 'roger that', watching as the three figures in the distance began to attempt to make their way down the slope. The wind was harsh, whipping about him in a violent manner and he moved about the Mako to see the various human bodies strewn about the dirt. _These must be the men who went missing._ Shepard finally exited the rover just before the others neared them.

"That was insane!" Ashley yelled, running the last stretch.

"Are you alright, Commander?" Kaidan exclaimed, coming to stop before the woman—clearly intent on checking her for any bodily harm.

"I'm fine," her response lacked her usual vibrancy and Garrus noted the way her hands were still in fists at her sides.

"Commander," the turian then said calling her attention to him, "Alliance soldiers." He motioned to the bodies behind him.

"it looks like they were lured here by the distress beacon," Tali noted, moving closer to investigate the spinning signal.

"These are Admiral Kahoku's men. We need to tell him what happened here," Williams added. Shepard merely nodded her agreement.

"Joker, we're ready for pickup."

"_Aye aye ma'am_."

"And someone take out that beacon," her tone was abrupt and taking the sniper rifle from his back, Garrus aimed a few precise hits and blew the structure sky-high.

The Commander removed her armor rather distractedly when they were back aboard the ship. Kaidan stayed at her side, taking each piece from her and placing it carefully away. He suggested she go to see Chawkwas, to which she replied that she was fine. "Commander, it looks like things got a little dicey down there. Sorry I couldn't provide any support, other than moral, would have blasted you to pieces too—I had complete faith in you though," Joker's voice rang out over the intercom. She didn't make mention as if she had heard him, Shepard's face in a constant frown and knit brow since removing her helmet.

"So, what happened?" Wrex absentmindedly inquired, nearing the Mako.

"Shepard took out a thresher maw!" Ashley triumphantly declared causing the krogan to instantly growl.

"I always miss the fun."

"You had the chance to come, Wrex but yo…," Tali trailed off once he set one of his red eyes on her.

"Technically, I took out the maw. Shepard just kept us from being killed," Garrus tossed over his shoulder while looking at the Mako's wheels. There were in a bit of a disarray due to the acid they'd driven through. Wrex made a scoffing sound, causing him to look up.

"Didn't think a turian would have it in 'em." Garrus believed that this was meant to be an insult but on the krogan's face was an…impressed expression? It was hard to tell, for all he knew the male had indigestion.

"I'll help you clean that up," Ashely offered, seeing he was about to set to work on the tires.

"I'd appreciate it," he told her, rather surprised. She gave him a smile, further startling him. Moving to put away his weapons, he couldn't help but overhear Kaidan and Shepard while they stood near the lockers.

"It's okay, Shepard," the human man was saying to her, his tone sympathetic and soft.

"No, it's not," she replied roughly, "it's been six years. It's pathetic that I froze up like that. I thought I was over it. I _should_ be over it." Her voice was firm but mingled with disappointment. If he'd been another species (with the exception of krogan) he wouldn't have heard what she said next, it was the smallest whisper, more like the exhale of words. Her voice cracked when it came out, such a sharp sound that hurt when it hit Garrus' eardrums. "I _want_ to be over it." She made a beeline for the elevator, Kaidan close at her heels. Returning to the rover, Garrus made himself busy alongside Ashley while Tali regaled them—specifically Wrex—with what she had witnessed of the thresher maw, elaborate sound effects and all. When she finished, Wrex told them, well more the quarian who just happened to be in their vicinity, of his encounter with a thresher maw on his home-world of Tuchanka. It made Garrus promise himself to never visit the place (not that turians would be come anyway). As it grew late, the girls retired to bed and Wrex returned to take up his vigil at the footlockers once more.

It wasn't until later into the night cycle that Garrus saw the Commander again. She was seated at a table in the mess, her back to Dr. Chakwas who was near the small counter located in the 'kitchenette'. The human doctor was rubbing a temple with one hand, seemingly having been defeated by the conversation she was having with the other woman. "I'll leave them here in case you change your mind, Commander, I really think it would do you some good."

"Thank you, Doctor," she replied from where she was sitting.

"Good night, Commander," the other human said while placing two small pills on the countertop. She gave an exasperated sigh while walking past Garrus and heading back to the med-bay. Shepard looked back upon realizing she wasn't alone.

"Garrus."

"Commander." He came and sat down across from her.

"What are you still doing up?"

"Turians don't sleep as much as humans do. What about you?" Her grey eyes were dilute, tired and strained.

"Avoiding it. I know what's waiting for me when I fall asleep, I'm not about to do it. The doc tried to bribe me with sleeping pills, but I don't trust an induced sleep either," she gave a forced shallow chuckle, and it all seemed strange to Garrus who could easily tell that the woman was exhausted.

"What happened to Alenko?" he asked, glancing around as if expecting the L2 to immediately appear from underneath the table.

"Asleep, it took some convincing but I managed it."

"He seems to care a great deal for you." Garrus believed he had thought these words, it wasn't until he saw the increase of color in the Commander's cheeks, something humans called blushing, that he realized he had spoken them aloud. He nearly went the same shade. He quickly got up from the table retreating to the kitchenette out of sheer awkwardness. "So…you plan to stay awake the whole night?"

"Wouldn't be the first time," she sighed.

"But Commander, going after Saren and the geth, searching for the Conduit, don't you need to be at your best?" He looked about the cabinets, not quite sure what he was even after.

"I'll be fine, Garrus. You don't need to worry about me."

"oh, I'm not," his subvocals rumbled, "I'm worried about me."

"what?"

"Say you fall asleep while driving the Mako, I could get seriously injured." She laughed then, one of her real laughs that seemed to exude color and he couldn't help but feel glad to have been able to cause her to emit such a sound. He was instantly reminded of the sound she made in the Mako when the thresher maw had roared, he wondered if it had immediately brought her to a time when all around her was only death and that sound. His mandibles clicked, although he wasn't sure why. _'I know what's waiting for me when I fall asleep_,' she'd said. He stared at the sleeping pills just within arm's reach.

"Should I start to fall asleep at the wheel, I give you permission to wake me up—just do it gently. No need to drive us off a cliff out of fright."

"No promises, Commander," he replied while gathering a cup and heating up some water. _What are you doing, Garrus? _"So…Commander…I'm guessing today was a bit…rough on you." He spoke the words carefully, concerned that he was tiptoeing a landmine. Would it set her off? And where was he even going with this?

"You could say that," her voice dropped, the humor from moments ago vanished. He found one of the small packets he had witnessed the other humans use, placing it into the steaming liquid. _What are you _doing, _Garrus? _His mind screamed again as he glanced at Shepard, her back still to him, and scooped up the medication before dropping it into the drink. The color had changed, becoming brown in color. _Where's that white stuff the humans add to it?_

"As you know, I was a C-Sec detective. I've spent a lot of time in interrogation rooms—

."

"Are you wanting to interrogate me, Vakarian?"

"No," he chuckled just as he found the white substance—sugar. Taking a spoon, he dumped a few scoops into the drink before stirring it all up. Once he could no longer see any residual evidence of the pills, he returned to the table sliding the mug towards the Commander whose eyebrows rose in surprise. "Tea," he clarified as she gave him a weary look, "levo-tea, so it's safe. I thought you could use it."

"That's very kind of you, Garrus," she said taking the cup and wrapping both hands around it. He felt relief upon seeing that she was no longer trembling, something which logically she would have stopped doing hours ago anyway, but all the same the feeling was there amidst his panic of what he'd just done. "What were you saying about interrogation?"

"just that I've spent a lot of time…listening, and if you wanted to talk, Commander…I—I'm here," he stumbled over his words, his eyes continually flickering to the cup. She hadn't taken a sip yet, there was still time for him to retrieve it and save himself.

"Talk about what?" her tone changed, becoming sterner as she looked down at the mug. _Does she know? _

"About…," he didn't finish, she was shaking her head.

"No," she said resolutely, "I don't talk about _that_ Garrus. Please don't bring it up again."

"I understand. I'm sorry, Commander." He felt slightly admonished, he'd overstepped and she hadn't even drunk the—no! The glass was to her mouth and he saw her swallow. _You've done it now, Garrus, what were you thinking? _She made a strange face, her features scrunching together while her lips made a loud sound as they smacked together. She momentarily stuck her tongue out, glancing at the drink as if it had offended her.

"Did you…?" she coughed. _She knows, you're in for it now Vakarian. _"…did you put sugar in this?"

"Yes…," he replied hesitantly.

"You went a bit overboard." She coughed again.

"Too much?"

"Yes." To his shock, she then downed the rest of it, despite the obviously hideous taste. An involuntary shudder ran through her body. "That'll keep me awake." All he could do was nod, the guilt beginning to eat away at him. What was he doing, thinking that he knew better than her? It was crazy of him to have done this, why had he done it? It had bothered him to see her so disheartened and out of it, and for the life of him he didn't know why, and try as he might to deny it, he was _concerned_ for her wellbeing. She needed sleep but that didn't give him any right to drug his commanding officer! _It's going to be the Relay 314 incident all over again. _He could imagine the headlines: _Ex-C-Sec officer drugs first human spectre—turians and humans at war. Great Vakarian, you just single-handedly started the next galactic incident, as if Saren wasn't enough! _

"Tell me," she then said, thankfully rescuing him from his spiraling thoughts, "more about C-Sec." Her eyelids were appearing heavy, one of her hands coming up to be a perch for her cheek. It seemed the medication worked fast.

"There isn't much to tell," he responded unable to recall any previous case in the moment, minuscule or otherwise. She yawned.

"Excuse me," she covered her mouth, "sorry I'm feeling—." She stopped mid-sentence, her face waking just enough for alarm to flash across it. "What's happening?" She exclaimed and jumped to her feet only to begin to sway. He launched over the table in a single bound and caught her before she hit the ground. "What's…I don't…?" her voice was slurring, her eyelids drooping and Garrus' mind continued to scream at him for having been so arrogant to have done such a thing.

"Let's get you to your cabin," he told her, and hardly able to put one foot in front of the other she leaned her weight against him. He wrapped an arm around her stomach to brace her, only for his hand to feel something bony. _Is that her hip…? Ah, it's her waist! I'm touching her waist! This is completely inappropriate! _He was horrified, not only to be touching such a personal and private part of a woman's body (at least in turian standards) but also because of how different it felt compared to a turian woman. _It's…squishy? Stop it, Garrus! Focus on getting her to the cabin and never think of this again. _The door sighed open and that was just when Shepard lost the ability to move and sagged. He lifted her up, carrying her towards the bed. "I'm sorry, Commander," he told her, believing her to have fallen asleep. He glanced down to see a pair of confused grey eyes gawking up at him.

"Did you…?" Despite the weariness in them, and the heaviness of her lids, anger flooded the grey turning it nearly black. "I'll…kill…," she couldn't finish, her eyes having fallen shut. Having reached the bed, he placed her on it. He gently laid her head against the pillow before grabbing the blanket and pulling it overtop of her. Despite the fact that inwardly he was shouting to leave the scene of his crime, his resolve momentarily faltered to watch her, seeing the pained expression crossing her face.

"the screams…," she whispered, "I don't want to…remember…." Garrus left her, his only solace being that her face eased into blankness. _There's a special place in hell reserved for me._ He went to his sleeper pod, and sleep proved elusive for him that night.

* * *

A/N: I hope this chapter was at least somewhat enjoyable, especially because of the wait. It was definitely fun to write...well the end anyway. I am really enjoying Garrus' inner monologue stuff.


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